Forum Replies Created
TiddlerMemberAugust 11, 2011 at 4:59 pmPost count: 802
Funny you should say that – I can’t catch – at all. In fact, I was away last month and some lads were playing rugby on the field. I ducked as I thought the ball was coming towards me and it was nowhere near me. Then I didn’t duck as it sailed right over my head.
I struggle with bikes – I can just about manage but can’t take a hand off the bars to signal, nor can I cope with oncoming traffic as I can’t tell how far away it is from me and I panic. My husband says I give cyclists about as much room as if the were a lorry – but I’d rather that than make a mistake the other way.
And I was hit by a car once, fortunately without too much of a problem. It was reversing and I walked behind it.REPORT ABUSE
TiddlerMemberAugust 11, 2011 at 4:40 pmPost count: 802
What about sending him an email with a link to the test? Then he can look at it or not, depending on his mood and you can always send another if he hasn’t looked at it?REPORT ABUSE
TiddlerMemberAugust 11, 2011 at 2:55 pmPost count: 802
Also, how does the computer hold his attention? Does he have loads of windows open? Does he flick from one site to the other? Is he jumping from idea to idea while he’s on there? Does he play fast or intricate games on there that can hold his attention?
I’m wondering if my son can hold my attention because he jumps around so much when he’s talking…
He has an attention and memory deficit too, though not ADHD.REPORT ABUSE
TiddlerMemberAugust 11, 2011 at 2:51 pmPost count: 802
I don’t know about your husband, but I have no idea when I’m doing it. He used to walk off when I did it, but now he has started taking my hand or rubbing it or just saying, ‘are you still in there?’ in a jokey way. I suspect he sometimes just leaves it though because I often realise that I was having a conversation at some point but I can’t remember what about. And he doesn’t comment when I say, ‘what were we talking about?’ either any more. He just reminds me and I can sometimes carry on, sometimes though it’s just gone.
As the one who ‘zones out’ I want you to know that I too just adore my husband and kids and I love talking and listening to them. What they say does interest me and I DO want to pay attention. I really do. I am SO frustrated when I realise I’ve missed a huge chunk of something someone’s said. But I’m the first there if someone is upset and I don’t care if it’s in the middle of the night. I’d do anything for any of my friends and I’d never, ever deliberately let my family down.
There’s something really attractive to you about him. What is it? Is that something you can build on to help you cope while you’re unravelling all this other stuff?REPORT ABUSE
TiddlerMemberAugust 11, 2011 at 2:12 pmPost count: 802
I really feel for you. I ‘zone out’ too and I don’t always hear what my husband or my youngest son are saying. Our eldest has a loud, penetrating voice and a cluttered chaotic manner and I never zone out when he’s talking. I don’t find him more interesting than the other 2 and I don’t love any of them any more or less than the others, but it’s just that I find it hard to pay attention, regardless of how much I want to. But there are some things that cut through and I’m still trying to unravel why that is. Any new topic gets my undivided and I too can research things for hours/days and then fail to do anything about what I’ve found out.
I am completely oblivious to the mess when i’m making it and when I do see it I find it overwhelming to know where to start at sorting it out.
I love my husband so much and I wish I could make life easier for him by just being a bit less or a bit more…something…but I don’t even know what that is.
I think it’s okay to feel angry and sad. It must be really hard for you. I think the whole family has ADHD when it happens – in that it affects all of us. Does it help to think of it as effectively a brain injury and he can’t help it? Are there ways of ‘bringing him back’ when he drifts off – like a hand on his arm or something?REPORT ABUSE
TiddlerMemberAugust 11, 2011 at 1:18 pmPost count: 802
I’m really sad about Dr Barkley’s brother. I’ve been learning so much from him over the last couple of weeks. What a burden for him to have.
My stress levels are high in busy car parks, and on the motorway when there’s a queue. I’ve even turned round and gone home if I’ve not been able to find a space straight away. I realise that I have done this at bus stops too – I’ve walked to the next one (and missed the bus) rather than stand waiting.
I think my driving on city roads and on country lanes is actually very good – I’m alert and focused and can spot hazards way ahead – like a child or a sheep or dog in the distance. Motorways are fine as long as they’re constantly changing but when they’re stop-start I’m really scared of rear-ending someone as my mind definitely wanders more than it should.
It took me years to learn to drive and 4 tests. I use standard transmission. I enjoy driving in a challenge – like when there’s heavy rain or I’m driving a long distance and hit a snow storm, or on very windy roads. But reversing and making decisions at slow speeds is much harder.
Occasionally, I’m coming out of a car park and there are 2 possible exits and I get so indecisive about which one to take that I end up having to stop and reverse because I’ve ended up right in the middle of them! I used to think this was a spacial problem, but I know that’s not it.
Damn it – I can smell my veggie burger burning on the stove! Gotta go.REPORT ABUSE
TiddlerMemberAugust 11, 2011 at 11:57 amPost count: 802
Is it just stairs? Twice I’ve got off buses that were still moving and really hurt myself and once I tripped over, landed against my drawers and gave myself a black-eye and whiplash.
I’ve always assumed it was dyspraxia though. When my parents found out about ‘clumsy child syndrome’ (which is what DCD/dyspraxia used to be called) they thought it was hilarious because it described me perfectly. (But it didn’t occur to anyone – me included – to check it out.)REPORT ABUSEAugust 11, 2011 at 11:42 am in reply to: Finding a consultant – extremely upset and confused. I feel like a failure. #107137
TiddlerMemberAugust 11, 2011 at 11:42 amPost count: 802
So many things from your post, sugargremlin, that make me think, I don’t really know where to start.
There are so many things that I can relate to all over this forum that I feel really strange about being here – like I can admit to things about myself and not even feel embarrassed about it – like ‘of course! What’s the big deal!’
Re the meds – that’s what I was hoping for. I simply don’t know where the ADHD ends and I begin and I’m scared that meds would alter everything. The idea of a ‘me’ who is still me but who can follow a thought, tidy my house and remember to look at a calendar is an odd feeling, but a good one.
And the idea of rightfully not caring enough to notice when someone is being snotty hadn’t even occurred to me! I love that and I’d love to think that one day I could have those experiences and genuinely not even care enough to notice. What a relief!
I’ve always been at the mercy of my emotions and they swing quite wildly from moment to moment sometimes. But going through this is quite a new experience and it seems I’m going through every emotion all at once. I’m both exhausted and strangely energized.
TiddlerMemberAugust 10, 2011 at 9:48 pmPost count: 802
I’ve got a damaged coccyx thanks to a fall down some stairs a few years ago. I trip over things all the time and walk into stuff. I have constant bruises on my arms from walking into door handles. But I have limited depth perception . (I say limited because I don’t actually know if I have any depth perception as I don’t know how everyone else sees!) So I’m learning that my clumsiness may be due to my eyesight. But I have to use a cushion with a hole in it because of the damage I did on that particular fall.
My optometrist gave me some eye exercises months ago and I forgot to do them. I finally did them and went back to see him and he gave me a string with beads on to practise with and I found it again a couple of days ago after only using it once. I still haven’t used it yet, despite really, really wanting to fix my eyesight.
So, not helpful, sorry, but useful for me to know that I’m not the only one that falls on stairs!REPORT ABUSE
TiddlerMemberAugust 10, 2011 at 3:59 pmPost count: 802
High fives to all!
Mine is small but still significant. The ‘piles’ that I made all over the bedroom floor and didn’t know what to do with often end up there for weeks, where they bleed together and eventually my husband tidies them away and I complain at him for spoiling my ‘system’.
The kids have a virus and they wanted to sleep in our room, so my husband moved the piles into boxes, threw a blanket over them to keep them out of sight and used the space to put up the inflatable mattress for the kids.
Okay, it would be a better story if I’d sorted out the piles, but the high five moment is that I didn’t fuss, cry or moan at him for moving my stuff. And the kids are feeling much better today!REPORT ABUSEAugust 10, 2011 at 2:28 pm in reply to: Anger due to the differences between severe and mild sufferers #105388
TiddlerMemberAugust 10, 2011 at 2:28 pmPost count: 802
This is a new discussion to me and I hope no-one minds me joining in.
I’m wondering if there’s a spectrum, like with autism, and it can be compared to the difference between asperger’s and more severe forms of autism?
Also, like with autism, there are lots of people with ADHD who are also talented, have a very high intellect or have a strong support network – and maybe all those things come into play no matter how far along the spectrum someone is?
Also, and again I’m new to this so shout up if I’m talking rubbish, but if I look back on my life, there are times where things haven’t been QUITE so chaotic and I wonder if circumstances and (maybe more so for women) hormones can be a factor? For example, my second year of uni I was at breaking point and had to take 3 months off – and when my dissertation was due in and I couldn’t find it, I was hysterical. But for the most part I got through uni okay, I’m not sure why. Maybe I had instant rewards because of short projects and quick feedback from tutors? And I lived alone so I didn’t have any pressure from anyone else to be ‘tidy’ or cook at reasonable times etc?
I don’t know. Yesterday I felt like there was nothing remotely gift like about the endless crap I seem to have subjected myself (and to some extent others) to. Today though, I read (on a post here maybe, I forget) someone saying they were quick at reacting to dangerous situations (the first to realise an ambulance is needed for example) and I realised that I do that. I’m great in a crisis and terrible all the rest of the time. I’d rather be okay in a crisis and okay the rest of the time too but, hey, we can’t have everything!REPORT ABUSE
TiddlerMemberAugust 10, 2011 at 2:11 pmPost count: 802
I think what my doc meant was that it’s hard to get diagnosed here, and I can see why. The doc has, through no fault of her own, sent me to 2 different people who can’t help and I have had trouble finding out who I need to speak to.
Here, there aren’t many people who have caught on to this being a real issue. It was actually my GP that thought that was what was wrong with me but even then she didn’t know who to send me to. Even the local NHS support for children with ADHD couldn’t recommend anyone to go to with suspected adult ADHD, not because they don’t believe in it, but because there doesn’t seem to be much of a service here.
I’m going to be going a couple of hours away and paying privately, hopefully next week or the week after (just waiting for confirmation) and that’s fine, but it’s close enough to some of the riots that I don’t know what’s going to happen (but that’s an irrelevant tangent though oddly surreal for a generally peaceful country. If you’ve seen the world news you’ll probably know what I mean)
So, basically, I’ve been searching for answers since I was in primary school (and I couldn’t understand why I couldn’t get off the bus without leaving my school bag on it) and now I think I know I’m just desperate to ‘get better’.
I have always felt that if I ‘just tried harder I could do it’. I know this is because that’s what I’ve been told all my life. Oddly, I did this with my asthma medication when I was first diagnosed when it became difficult to manage about 10 years ago – if I ‘just tried harder I’d be able to breathe on my own’
So, I’m trying to ‘try harder’ by learning mindfulness and I’m just not sure I’m going about it the right way.REPORT ABUSEAugust 9, 2011 at 6:25 pm in reply to: Finding a consultant – extremely upset and confused. I feel like a failure. #107135
TiddlerMemberAugust 9, 2011 at 6:25 pmPost count: 802
Thank you. I really struggle on the phone but have only recently admitted this. I get my wires crossed sometimes and I really don’t understand how or why. It either goes really, really well or like the first conversation. There is no grey in my life, everything is black and white, including this it would seem! (Like the air conditioning in the car either has to be on full blast cold or boiling hot!) Why don’t I think of the middle bits?!
Anyway, what you say makes total sense and maybe that’s why the lady didn’t sound snotty to my husband (but he’s a bit aspie too so maybe he just didn’t pick up on it! lol
I love what you say about the whole life then EMERGENCY! I’m glad I’m not the only one who’s felt this way. It’s like seeing the finishing post after a long race and I have an energy spurt to get to it. Only, I realise that in many ways the finishing post will have a huge ‘START’ sign when I get there and I’ll have a lot of learning to do. (Which is quite exciting really!)REPORT ABUSE