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  • in reply to: ADHD husband won't consider treatment #120600

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    Back in 2009, when he got diagnosed, he insisted that I read “Driven to Distraction,” which I did. The chapter on relationship issues hit me like the proverbial ton. But when I suggested we start couples counseling, or at least sit down together to talk about it, he flat out refused. Each time I’d say, “… the book says …”, he’d say, “Get your head out of the book!” The book he insisted that I read.

    I have since read “Delivered from Distraction,” and he refused to read it because one of the many suggestions is meds.

    I bought “The ADHD Affect on Marriage” in 2011 and have read it twice. He has refused to read it. He explicitly refused even to “participate” in any of the more benign techniques in the book, like the box for keeping track of household tasks. To him, that’s just another example of how I’m too “square peg,” too “agendized.”

    I bought “Is it You, Me, or Adult ADD,” and he’s refused to read it because the author encourages trying meds. BTW, this book says that spouses of ADDers have a higher incidence of Crohn’s and other digestive disorders. I was diagnosed with ulcerative colitis, closely related to Crohn’s, five years into the marriage and two years before he was diagnosed with ADHD.

    I’ve bought “ADD Stole My Car Keys.” He says he’d like to read it. At the moment, I’ve lent it to my Mom, to see if she has any insight into how I was  as a kid. I’m trying to see if I really have mild ADHD, like I think I do.

    I’ve been in indiv counseling a couple of times, but since he refuses counseling of any sort, there’s only so much I can do.

    So, no discussions about ADHD happen if there’s any hint that it makes him less than amazing, or if it suggests that he needs to change in any way. I’m starting to fear that the only way to get through to him is to kick him out. And even then, he may simply see it as more proof of my shortcomings.

    Please pray for us, if you’re inclined!

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