Evelyn

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Evelyn

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  • in reply to: BBC Horizon – The Creative Brain: How Insight Works #119728

    Evelyn
    Participant
    Post count: 164

    Scattybird, I like the term ” neurotypicals”  It’s nice to stick a label on them for a change, I can’t wait to use it on my neurotypical sister. At least I think she is, she doesn’t have the problems that I do. If she is ADD, I can’t tell, and she ain’t telling.

    Now my brother on the other hand had enough sense to find what he was good at and stick with it. He can tear down any machine, or engine, manufacture parts for it, and put it back together usually in the field. He has stuck with the super heavy machines. He says they will tell you how to fix them if you just let them. Beyond me!

    I think he stopped using the computer and the internet because he kept getting the red squiggly lines under his words. It started being a lot more prevalent right about the same time he decided to give up on the computer. I can understand how it must have made him feel. We were all teased a lot when we were kids, he got it the worst because he was the boy. But he is very very smart even by nerotypical standards.

    I found your post very interesting, and it does sound like they are trying to reproduce an ADD brain.

    I would very much like to see that program. I live in the states, so my only hope is youtube.

    I had been resisting the urge to create because I have the tendency to get stuck in a hyper-focus and really lose track of time. When I’m in that zone there is absolutely nothing else around me, I am gone.

    I have started trying to be creative again, doing some writing. This website has given me back my voice on more than one level. I feel a good connection here, it’s wonderful to find people who know what I am doing when everyone else is scratching there heads or shaking their finger at me.

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    in reply to: Can a person with ADD/ADHD start a group for ADDers. #119727

    Evelyn
    Participant
    Post count: 164

    No body responded, on Facebook, now I’m freaked out.

    I couldn’t get a hold of Erica, the lady I was talking about for the support group. She won’t be in until Wednesday. So I sent her an email, a very long letter.

    Spaced the way Larynxa suggested to me. Thank you for that bit of advice it is helping me too. I am hoping it will be easier on the people I write to too. I understand how full pages of text can be daunting. when I think back to my copy and paste days. I found that much of my time was spent reformatting the information to make it easier to read. I should have applied that into my emails and blog posts too.

    I also sent a similar message to the Peer Support Staff Supervisor. He sounds important. Hoping to get the local Mental Health facility to help me with this endeavor. I’m hoping to hear from him tomorrow.

    I have to say though I am shaking in my boots. I want to help the people in my area but this could be more than I can handle. I am as afraid they will agree to help me, as I am afraid they wont.

    Letting the needs of other people control the course of my life for the last 10 years has had its advantages. The responsibility of making my own direction is a daunting task. So many things are enticing I want to do everything, experience everything, and belong to everything. But I have to choose.

    Decisions get harder over the years as it is, I let my circumstances make choices for me. Now I am paying the price for putting all those decisions off. Now I find myself driven to tears over every little minor decision.

    Every decision involves a sacrifice, and I don’t want to sacrifice anything. But I find the one thing I hate sacrificing the most is time. But it doesn’t matter what I do in 5 minutes or 5 hours, when the time is gone all I have left is what I did with it. And that was up to me.

    I don’t do myself any favors by being indecisive, much of my reasoning is that I will miss something else, or I won’t have time for something else. Sometimes it’s clear of what that something else is. But most of the time I don’t have a clue.

    I wish someone could tell me how to fix this.

    I remember looking at a (one) big clear plastic beach bag with green and blue designs on it full of papers, I had poetry, magazine articles, writings, legal papers, business papers, notes, school papers, photos and a myriad of other papers that I kept thinking I would get to… some day!

    That day never came I now have at least 8 banker boxes of papers, maybe more. I’ve been able to get rid of some things but the majority I always think I’ll eventually get to. The hording of paper information expanded to include books, and now files scattered all over my computer. I have a big mess.

    Sometimes I think if I can confront that one issue and get it handled everything else will fall in line. (Oh and the handle it once trick… don’t work!!) I can’t find a category list that fits properly, not even one that I make up myself. No I’m not blaming everything on that one little problem that is just one of the obstacles, the amount of time it takes to do the task is another obstacle (I know spend 10 min every day; don’t work either). No this is something I need a large block of time maybe even two weeks.

    I thought about that… All my papers, five changes of clothes, and a hotel room with room service and several experts on different types of business papers at my beck-and-call a box of garbage bags and 3 or 4 hanging file plastic banker boxes.

    But when I think of something like that all my other obligations seem to turn on me, and cause even more anxiety.

    Everything is important!

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    in reply to: Can a person with ADD/ADHD start a group for ADDers. #119654

    Evelyn
    Participant
    Post count: 164

    Oh that is some funny, funny stuff. I put “her first period” on Facebook I hope that’s OK. My friends “Non-ADDers” are going to freak out. They think I wouldn’t say sh** if I had a mouth full. Well, I’d probably have to spit it out first, but you get the idea.
    They always tell me I’m funny, but I’m clueless, I never know what is going to make them laugh, and it usually catches me off guard. Usually I’m trying to be serious when it happens. But when I try to be funny, it always bombs. I get these blank stares that send me off into a corner someplace ’til I get over it. Which is part of the reason I don’t socialize much.

    My Dad introduced me to the Wyandotte Community Players as an artist, I wanted to work behind the scenes, which I did. But you know hind-site, I didn’t speak-up and tell them that I actually wanted to perform, because I didn’t think I could. I was only comfortable with paints and chalks. So I was the art director for two plays then that was the end of it. I wonder if they are still around, the playhouse is long gone.

    ———————-)time passes…

    Yup, it’s called the “Wyandotte Community Theater II” now, and they have invitations for both auditions and back stage work. Interesting.

    My Dad (father) said he helped form the players a long time ago. He was very cultured, my grandmother seen to that, He could sing, tap dance and play piano, but he never passed any of that on to us, because he said we should make our own choices. But we weren’t exposed to any of life’s possibilities.

    My Dad was 45 years old when I, the first born, came into the world. I was 8 years old when we moved to Missouri. That was a whole ‘nuther world from the place I knew and loved. 1968, the riots were in full swing, and we got the heck out of Dodge.

    One day I was in school trying to impress Michael (my first crush) the next day we were on the road, passing cows, and horses. Just that quick.

    There had been some talk about moving, but I thought it was just talk. My dad would use the information to set our imaginations into overdrive. You never seen a bunch of kids pick-up their toys so fast as when he said they could be left behind if they weren’t put away where we could get to them. That wore off after a couple months. Then we were gone, the adventure had begun.

    I’d really like a re-do.

    A northern “redhead”, with an attitude, and attention problems, in the southern backwoods is not the place to discover culture.

    5 year-old’s were driving pick-up trucks, and everybody’s hands were always waving around, and people dressed funny.

    Some experiences in life take a really long time to become lessons, and even longer to become useful.

    OK let me get my oar’s in the water here, there is a Whirlpool up ahead.

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    in reply to: Can a person with ADD/ADHD start a group for ADDers. #119624

    Evelyn
    Participant
    Post count: 164

    None of us are offended by the way this is worded are we?

    “Seriously though, I like your idea about focusing on one big issue. But how many ADDers do you know that will really stay on a focused target?”

    When I read it back to my self after posting; it pinched a little. Please don’t anybody take this as a dig or bad mouthing. If I offended anyone I’m sorry.

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    in reply to: Can a person with ADD/ADHD start a group for ADDers. #119623

    Evelyn
    Participant
    Post count: 164

    OK here’s the unabridged version of the book:

    MarieAngell,

    Speaking up, the moment something happens ‘gets me into trouble’. But you are right waiting is just as bad. I used to have an explosive temper. I learned how to control it a long time ago when I was working at the Shopping Guide as a graphic artist. Team dependent production will do that for you. I was also fortunate to have a very patient supervisor. I didn’t lose my job until taking care of my “biological father” which, got to be more than a part-time job and full time worry. I was easily set off, which stemmed from my childhood and early teens. Which is a very long story, worth telling though, but I’ll wait this time.

    The interest niche is a good idea; I once belonged to the Downriver Poets and Playwrights Group. But I haven’t been back there in a very long time. I enjoyed it most of the time because we would take turns reading one of our poems, while everyone else followed along on extra copies that we brought in. People would write their critique, and sometimes a discussion would be started by the work, about the structure or style and especially if it was cryptic, emotional, or hard to understand. I used to get lots of discussions going with my poetry. I preferred rhyming poetry, but I also wrote pro’s.

    Tiny habits, Thank you. I thought it was you, but I couldn’t find the post so I couldn’t be sure. I am in my second week. I had Jury duty the week I was supposed to start so I waited. I read everything I could find on the website. BJ Foggs goal is not to help us, but to find his way in to the workings of how we make habits. His job is to help big business find ways to make people form new habits that increase their bottom line. Helping us is just incidental, I think if he could figure this out without helping us he would. But heck, if he’s gonna use me for research, I’m damn sure gonna get something out of it.

    Be sure you make at least 3 tiny habits, they work better that way for some reason, he explained it but it slips my mind. Oh, and remember, only the first 30 seconds count, anything after that is a bonus. So, if you turn on the water, that’s the win. Now, if you step into the water that’s the bonus, but it doesn’t really count. Even if you turn the water off, you have still performed the tiny habit, and therefor accomplished the victory.

    You can find places to hang a tiny habit. One of my new ones is:

    After I pour a cup of coffee, I will pour a 4oz (juice) glass of water.

    I have been much less dehydrated since I started that one. 4 ounces takes less than 30 seconds to pour but sometimes I have to find the glass. I leave it by the coffee pot now though. Sometimes I only take a sip other times I’ll pour a second glass. There have been times that I didn’t drink the water. But I do always pour it now.

    Here’s one someone might use:

    “After I have my keys in my hand, I will touch the place they belong.

    Mine belong on a hook next to the front door, so as soon as I have them in my hand “for whatever reason” I always touch the hook by the door. If I’m on my way out it’s almost like that’s where I got them from, so I’ll put them back there when I come in. If I’m cleaning, picking up, or doing laundry and I get the keys in my hand, I will touch to the hook; that’s the victory. While I am there, I might even hang them up; that’s the bonus.

    I am glad I could be of help for you too. I know how you feel about not having any habits, I think that is an ADD thing too, it seems like we never do the same thing the same way twice. Like we have no pattern or structure, but I have found that we do, they are just not as ordered as other people who have visible patterns to their lives. I have very few habits and the ones I do have I didn’t realize were even habits. That is until I found a few things I could be sure I would do every day. * I always get up at some time, *I always get a cup of coffee, and I always watch the 11:00 news, which is over at 11:30. I will usually fall asleep sometime between the weather and the sports. Then the TV would stay on another 5 to 6 hours, wasting electricity. That’s the part that really got my dander up; all the lights on and the TV with no-one using them. ‘Course it gave the passers-by a better view inside the house—just sayin’.

    Ok, y’all tired of tiny habits yet? Sorry.

    But it seems that everything we do follows a series of little actions that have to be done in a certain order. We can use one of the little actions in the series to attach a tiny habit to. And just like Lego’s we can build something from there.

    ————————————————-

    Yes I’m going to have to start an ADD support group if I want a local group— Ok all you guys pack your bags, I’ll just put all this stuff in the shed…

    Seriously though, I like your idea about focusing on one big issue. But how many ADDers do you know that will really stay on a focused target?

    …besides hyper-focus!

    I haven’t contacted the woman I spoke about earlier *blush* I forgot, I was wrapped up with the website thing. By the way she does have a name, Erica; I have avoided saying it up to this point because my sister’s name is also Erica. It can get confusing.

    Un-fortunately the scream room isn’t anywhere near me. But I have scared the cats a couple of times, without taking out the vacuum cleaner.

    Caregiving… I gave all I had, I gotta recharge the batteries here. I thought I was going to go into caregiving, it was my plan until I was faced with it. First, I was supposed to go into caregiving with the company who provided respite care for me and Leo, when the lady found out I wasn’t a certified CNA she started to backpedal. She finally offered me a job that would be 6 days a week, but only two hours a day. And I had to commit, not take days off and it was 20 minutes one way for $7.50 an hour, mileage not paid. I declined. I wouldn’t have been able to get another job, full, or part-time. I would have been getting ready or driving all the time, and 12 hours over the course of 6 days, half my weekly pay would have gone into the gas tank. 12 hours, over the course of 2 days would have been more acceptable. I would have had 5 other days to schedule a second job.

    No I haven’t thought about listing a room for rent–yet. It is an option. It has only glanced off the top of my brain once or twice, but I have 6 months of steady labor getting this house in order for someone (that isn’t family) to move in. Plus I have 3 cats of my own, and my sisters cat which makes 4 cats. One is in heat and I need to remove the carpet now—spring can’t “sprung” fast enough.

    See I knew they would come out eventually, wow it’s 3:00 am.

    Nighty Nite

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    in reply to: Can a person with ADD/ADHD start a group for ADDers. #119620

    Evelyn
    Participant
    Post count: 164

    Larynxa, My Mom, God rest her soul, Found a saying someplace, but I found it the other day in some old papers:

    “Never hold your farts in.
    They travel up your spine to your brain.
    And that’s where ‘poopie’ ideas come from.”

    Of course I changed the word in single quotes from it’s original spelling.

    If it’s not the chicken/cabbage casserole, thank you guys for helping me feel happiness.

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    in reply to: Can a person with ADD/ADHD start a group for ADDers. #119619

    Evelyn
    Participant
    Post count: 164

    MarieAngell,
    Nothing to forgive “seen my posts?” I can be a little long winded too. Plus I do like to read. Especially on this website it is either informative, entertaining, or something I can identify with.

    I am having trouble composing tonight. I have it on my word processor but I just keep getting really off topic. You know like an ADDer.

    The words will come out. Eventually.

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    in reply to: Can a person with ADD/ADHD start a group for ADDers. #119612

    Evelyn
    Participant
    Post count: 164

    Pamela, Thank you for pointing out the above correspondence, I sometimes rush to the latest posts without re reading what I’ve already written, which also puts out of my mind the responses to those posts.

    I can’t express how much this quirky little community has helped me over the past several weeks. These are the connections I wish I could have made with my peers while growing up.

    I don’t even have this with family. I truly feel warmth in my chest, or pressure, or something, it almost hurts.

    I do know it is emotion though, and not last nights chicken/cabbage casserole.

    With my family and friends there is really a void when it comes to talking to them about my problems. Not always, they do sometimes hear me, or feel me. But it is usually brief, and I can sense their discomfort.

    Thank you, for listening to my stories and helping me feel.

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    in reply to: Can a person with ADD/ADHD start a group for ADDers. #119583

    Evelyn
    Participant
    Post count: 164

    Larynxa, It took me all day to compose that post up there, you sent your post while I was composing it so I missed it until after I sent mine.

    I think you are right, plus it’s mixed in with the feelings that I don’t know how I’m going to pay the bills. She wasn’t helping but she would say she was going to, now she doesn’t have a reason to feel obligated. I’m not trying to reduce my feelings to remorse over being taken advantage of, but I think it dose play some part in this, even if I don’t like to admit it. I even have a very hard time asking her to pay her share, I have only asked her for money once. But I was working at the time.

    Maybe it was because I was afraid I would chase her away. I don’t really know but I think if I keep thinking about this too much I’ll cause myself more problems than I have.

    And yes I do have to catch up on my grieving, It takes time though and is very debilitating. Unfortunately the world won’t wait ’til I’m done. I hate sounding like a broken record but bills have to be paid, and I don’t know where the money is going to come from. The mortgage scares me the most, because it is handled by my step-dads credit union, which has made working with them difficult because I had a bankruptcy back in 2005, and caused them a loss. They wouldn’t have honored Leo’s power of attorney if I hadn’t threatened to move his accounts to another credit union. I can’t change who holds the note until I’ve been working a year or I get a win-fall of about 26 tho. Which would cover the mortgage and a years worth of bills.

    Any way I just have to find a way to keep going and worry about the grieving later, or just have bad days. I don’t know… I do play the lottery once in a while.– pray for me to win.

    I’m hoping if I can make this internet thing work for me soon enough I may be able to avert a catastrophe. I can write. I can make sense when I write. So maybe it will work.

    ———————————————————

    I may be taking you guys up on that virtual hug a lot! Quirks or no quirks. I do feel guilty sometimes.

    I’m kind of angry too, but I can’t quite put my finger on why, maybe because there is so much to be angry about. Maybe there is nothing to be angry about hard to say right now.

    Most of the time I just want to hide. Walk away from everything, and just be a soul at large. Of course it won’t solve anything, and I’ll be really homeless too. Wow this is so big.

    I don’t think I know what I want.

    Maybe I should stop now.

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    in reply to: Can a person with ADD/ADHD start a group for ADDers. #119582

    Evelyn
    Participant
    Post count: 164

    Larynxa, I did look in meet-up, nothing is there. I’ve looked at my mental facility too. nothing there not even for children with ADHD, which is odd. So if there is going to be one within driving distance of me I will have to put it together.

    Now that I think of it though, There is a woman who is the director of a caregiver group who also has ADD. She might be able to help me. I think I’ll give her a call.

    I’ll let you know how that goes.

    Your dad sounds a lot like my dad. And funny you should call it a 3-holer your dad must have been rich we only had a 2-holer (We lived in Missouri), but he always talked about adding on.

    ——————————————————–

    I have found some tutorials online that is helping me with my website stuff. I haven’t done anything yet, to my website, but I am learning about some stuff with WordPress, which is what I have at the moment to work with.

    I learned how to make what is called a child theme for the theme of my WordPress so I can make any changes I want without messing up the original. and if they update without letting me know, the theme that is, it won’t effect my modifications.

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    in reply to: Can a person with ADD/ADHD start a group for ADDers. #119580

    Evelyn
    Participant
    Post count: 164

    M&Ms with Peanuts, thank you for the welcome and another way to look at sleeping on the couch. I don’t really sleep well there for my back, but in my bedroom the heat register blows on my face and it wakes me up. It might be a trade-off.

    ——-) I just realized that this morning by the way, I woke up in a near panic because I couldn’t breath, almost like a hot-flash.

    I have found some valuable information too on this website. The most valuable thing I’ve found though is the people who are willing to listen and try to understand what I’m really saying, even if I’m not sure of what I’m saying.

    Another thing that I seem to do is start thinking while I’m complaining, and sometimes what I come up with starts turning me positive again, because I remembered something I did that made me feel worthy of the air I was breathing.

    My step-dad was difficult only because his care was constant, sometimes it seemed like 25/7, But the blessings were all those innocent things he did that made me laugh. Those moments of lucidity that only lasted an hour or so, but were really good conversations. The stories he couldn’t remember the details to so he made up stuff to fill in the blanks. And how every thing he looked at was new and wonderful. Except the neighbors tree across the street, He was always going to cut it down, it frustrated him so much he’d get all worked up. The tree is near the end of it’s life and barely has leaves on it. But Jean, the neighbor across the street said that her, and her husband found the tree growing in the backyard so they moved it, together, to the front yard. It was one of her fondest memories. So I never told her how Leo felt about the tree. When I told him, he would calm down. but then ten minutes later he’d start all over again about the tree.

    Ok gotta come to the present here.

    Now I just gotta do well in my life!!

    My sister was living here to help me with paying the bills and other stuff. But she never had the money to help. felt she was entitled to whatever money was left after expenses. In the 3 years I took care of Leo nobody ever offered to help. Until the end, where “if there was one” the big reward would be. But what I did enjoy was having my sister here, now she is moving out and my heart is breaking. It’s not like she was here that much, but I knew at some point she would show up. She is moving in with her boyfriend.

    Part of me is glad, because I will be able to rearrange the house the way I want to. But I spent so many years alone that it just hurts. I really didn’t expect to feel this way. I just don’t understand it.

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    in reply to: Can a person with ADD/ADHD start a group for ADDers. #119552

    Evelyn
    Participant
    Post count: 164

    I really do want to do something to help people in this area because I’m sure I’m not the only one. But how do I help people with problems that I haven’t solved for myself yet.

    My thinking is that a group of people could help each other, but don’t they need some type of structure to build upon?

    Where do I begin? The only group I’ve ever done was a poetry group.

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    in reply to: Can a person with ADD/ADHD start a group for ADDers. #119517

    Evelyn
    Participant
    Post count: 164

    That is what I am looking forward too.

    I don’t know if I will always be a little out of sync with everything around me but I will keep going anyway. Maybe I’ll wake up one day and find myself in sync with something…

    I was trying to think of something to be in sync with it just wasn’t coming to mind, OK I think I’ll just sign off for now.

    This website, and you, are a lot more helpful than I first thought possible. I don’t mean to sound sappy, but thank you.

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    in reply to: Can a person with ADD/ADHD start a group for ADDers. #119509

    Evelyn
    Participant
    Post count: 164

    Larynxa,

    Is that the only one? I couldn’t find a list. they also didn’t say which day the next one will be. They didn’t have a date for that one either, that I noticed.

    But you are right it was an interesting discussion.

    ——————) The trick is to tack it to the habit before it.

    The “After I ____________________________, I will ____________________________.

    I have so few habits, that I can count on that I found it hard to find something to attach my new habit to. That is also why I have to build the structure. I will have more good habits to tack other tiny habits to.

    They only seem insignificant, but in reality it’s just that little boost, that nudge, toward something positive.

    It gives me something to celebrate about myself!

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    in reply to: Can a person with ADD/ADHD start a group for ADDers. #119505

    Evelyn
    Participant
    Post count: 164

    Oh sorry they don’t allow links. I tried to put a link in a post, oops. Look up 3 tiny habits in your browser, BJ Fogg is the guy’s name. He doesn’t charge and the program is five days.

    He tells you how to keep it simple too. I read everything I could find on the website before I submitted the habits I wanted to start.

    Mine were:
    After I get up, I will turn on the shower.
    After I pour my coffee in the morning, I will take out my notebook.
    After the 11:00 news, I will turn off the TV.

    The beauty is that I didn’t have to take the shower, just turn it on, it reminded me to take my shower early enough that I would have it done so it didn’t interfere with plans for later that day. But for the sake of the habit you release yourself from the responsibility of actually taking the shower.

    My notebook had been neglected a lot. I just kept forgetting til it was so late at night that I couldn’t write even if I felt like it. So getting it off the shelf with my morning coffee gave me the opportunity to write if I wanted to.

    And last, to turn off the TV after the 11:00 news was… to turn off the TV. I was also hoping it would help me get off the couch at night to go to bed. This one I had to reinforce with an alarm set for 11:30 to wake me up to turn off the TV which helped, at least I’m not wasting electricity while I sleep on the couch.

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