blackdog

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blackdog 2012-11-13T13:00:41+00:00

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  • in reply to: What is it that I have as well as ADHD ? #127428

    blackdog
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    Post count: 906

    @hum4n

    “I don’t know… maybe I’m just rreeeeeallly ADHD.”

    Yup, that sums it up pretty well.

    You kind of answered your own question, at least in part, in what you wrote here. The low self esteem, causing you to write, and write, and write, trying to make sure that you explain everything so people don’t misunderstand, being afraid of making a mistake, having your words taken the wrong way…..

    Lets put it this way: I have spent almost all day here and I have written… one message and 4 comments, I think, in that time. And each one I read over at least 4 times before posting, editing and rearranging and adding more stuff, then taking stuff away…. And then again, after posting, reading it over and hitting the edit button every time I see a mistake, or I think of something else I need to add, or I think that I didn’t explain myself well enough…. And then I start to worry that it’s too long, that people will have trouble reading it, that I went off topic too much… and so I decide to edit again. But then I can’t figure out how to cut it down and keep what I need to say. And then I start to worry if I am saying the wrong thing. Maybe I need to take out that phrase, even though I really like it and I think it’s very clever and funny. And maybe I shouldn’t include that story about myself, maybe it shouldn’t be so personal…..

    And all of this is because I am afraid to have anyone see me make a mistake. They might think I’m stupid, or accuse me of being a know-it-all, or talking about things I have no business talking about. Or they might not take me seriously, because I made so many mistakes, and they might not listen to my advice, might not think I know what I’m talking about, even though I really do….

    And all of that comes from continuously being treated like I’m stupid, being laughed at, being told I didn’t know what I was talking about, or that I was being a know-it-all, or just being ignored altogether, when I was growing up.

    And now I have got to go because it’s supper time and I have to figure out what I’m going to cook, because I didn’t even think about it until just now, and I don’t have time to read this over and edit it, and I don’t have time to finish it properly, I had a lot more to say, but I went on too long about this one thing and now I am just going to have to post it as is, and the thought of it is making me cringe. Because I really need you to understand me and I don’t think you will…

     

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    in reply to: Broke, no education, stuck, what the heck should I do? #127421

    blackdog
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    Post count: 906

    @morrisfluffytail

    Love your name. 🙂

    Great advice. Especially the part about how you are going to be 47 in two years anyway. I need to start thinking like that.

    Just a quick note, if I can manage to be quick, regarding medication.

    If you can get away without taking it, then by all means do so. You are better off that way.

    But these doctors that will only try one medication and refuse to consider other options really irk me. If you feel like you need medication, and the Concerta doesn’t work, then you should try something else.

    Mine is the same way. According to him, Vyvanse is “the best” and “there is nothing better”, so I’m stuck shelling out over $200 a month for a medication that is really not doing anything for me. He refuses to consider any other options, and when I suggested dropping the  Vyvanse and just taking Dexedrine, he insisted that I still need the Vyvanse, which means that if I refuse to take it, he’ll probably cut off my Dex too, which is the only thing I’ve got that sort of helps.

    Okay, that concludes today’s mini-rant.

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    in reply to: Broke, no education, stuck, what the heck should I do? #127420

    blackdog
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    Post count: 906

    @morrisfluffytail

    Love your name. 🙂

    Great advice. Especially the part about how you are going to be 47 in two years anyway. I need to start thinking like that.

    Just a quick note, if I can manage to be quick, regarding medication.

    If you can get away without taking it, then by all means do so. You are better off that way.

    But these doctors that will only try one medication and refuse to consider other options really irk me. If you feel like you need medication, and the Concerta doesn’t work, then you should try something else.

    Mine is the same way. According to him, Vyvanse is “the best” and “there is nothing better”, so I’m stuck shelling out over $200 a month for a medication that is really not doing anything for me. He refuses to consider any other options, and when I suggested dropping the  Vyvanse and just taking Dexedrine, he insisted that I still need the Vyvanse, which means that if I refuse to take it, he’ll probably cut off my Dex too, which is the only thing I’ve got that sort of helps.

    Okay, that concludes today’s mini-rant.

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    in reply to: Broke, no education, stuck, what the heck should I do? #127419

    blackdog
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    Oh, one thing I forgot:

    I don’t know why it is that you are sure you will need more medication, but give the Adderall time to work first. Three weeks is not long enough to know for sure how it is going to affect you. And your dosage may need to be adjusted too.

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    in reply to: Broke, no education, stuck, what the heck should I do? #127418

    blackdog
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    @adventroverted

    Wow, your story is so much like my own I could have written it myself.

    I was first diagnosed when I was 30. The psych who diagnosed me with “an attention deficit with elements of depression” threw some Welbutrin at me and said it should take care of both. And that was that.

    After meeting someone else online who has ADHD and depression, and finding Totally ADD, I arranged an assessment and was diagnosed officially at the age of 40. Once again, it was sort of a “here, take these pills” and send me on my way kind of thing. So, I’m not really any better, I just know why I am the way I am now. And I have some pills that make me feel a little better, sometimes, on a good day.

    I have to give you credit for being a fighter and not giving up. I only tried college once. I always meant to go back but I was afraid of putting myself in debt again, failing again, and ending up in an even worse situation.

    My two cents:

     

    You’re right that working full time and going to school full time is too much. So, don’t do it that way. A good option might be what morrisfluffytail is doing, taking courses online, at your own pace.

    And make sure that the college knows you have ADHD. Check into what their policies for special needs students are, what kind of accommodations you can get, like extended deadlines, for example.

    The personality/career interest tests could help you to narrow down the possibilities, and the employment centre may be able to tell you how good your chances are of finding work in different fields, and where the best opportunities are. There may be shortages of certain types of workers in some areas, which would make it easier for you to get in.

    So basically, what @morrisfluffytail said, only with more words because I just don’t know how to keep it short and sweet.

    You might also want to look into what kind of government assistance is available. There may be grants or scholarships that you could qualify for. Or maybe an apprenticeship program would work for you. And if you see something that you really want to do, but you don’t have all the qualifications, try contacting the employer anyway. You never know, they might like you enough to hire you without all the requirements they list in their ad.

    All this is pretty much the avice I have been given over the years, which I never actually used. Maybe you will be able to put it to better use and get yourself un-stuck and on your way to a better life. Good luck. 🙂

     

     

     

     

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    in reply to: "You know how I know you have ADD?" – My Story #127412

    blackdog
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    And one last thing:

    So what if you leave the dresser drawer open? Is it really that important? This is a question that you seriously need to ask yourself, because worrying over a little thing like that is taking up precious mental energy that those of us with ADHD can not afford to lose. In order to be able to make all those big, important decisions about parenting and finances and other grown up stuff, sometimes you have to let the little things slide. Stressing over every tiny little thing you do will only exhaust you and make your ADD symptoms that much worse.

    Don’t be so hard on yourself. And don’t let anyone else be that hard on you either.

    FYI, I had to write down your user name before I started typing so that I would still remember it after I scrolled to the bottom of the page. And then, after posting, I checked it again because I couldn’t figure out why it wasn’t lighting up and turning blue like it’s supposed to, to let you know someone “mentioned” you. It wasn’t until about the third or forth edit that I looked at it, smacked my forehead and said “DUH! I forgot the “@” in front of it”.

    I also completely and totally forgot about all the things I was planning to do and needed to do this morning after reading your post and spent the whole time sitting here typing and editing these comments. Now my husband is in the kitchen washing  the dishes that I was planning to do 4 hours ago (I wasted a couple of hours on other stuff before I  got here) and I haven’t even showered and washed my clothes and got ready to go out this afternoon, which I have to do in less than two hours.

    So believe me when I say this: you are not alone. Hang in there, and don’t forget to smile today. 🙂

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    in reply to: "You know how I know you have ADD?" – My Story #127408

    blackdog
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    Hi @baj8881

    I am not taking time to read the other responses here, so forgive me if I am repeating what has already been said.

    Diagnosis:

    I would say that not filling out your name and the date at the top of the test doesn’t prove anything. It’s not like you were expecting to do it, or you were told you had to, and it wasn’t necessary to do it so why would you? I get what the doctor is saying, and it is a “typical” ADD thing, but I just don’t think any assumptions should be made because of it.

    The best way to tell if it is ADD is to think back to your childhood. Have you always been like this? Or did your symptoms begin later in life? It certainly sounds like ADD, but lots of other things can cause the same symptoms. Has your doctor ruled all of these out? (ie; depression, anxiety, stress, brain injury…)

    Early onset dementia is a possibility, but I would say that you probably don’t need to worry about it. If that is the case, then the symptoms would have started very recently, and you have indicated that it goes back at least to when you were in college.

    If you are a middle aged woman, and particularly if you are approaching menopause, your hormone levels are probably out of whack, and that can have a big impact on memory and mood and pretty much everything. If you also have ADD, it can seem like you are going out of your mind, as any of the women here of that age will tell you.

    Medication:

    Finding the right medication and the right dosage takes time, sometimes months or years. You need to make sure that you stay on the medication long enough to tell if it is working or not (typically about 4 weeks). It is also important to start at the lowest possible dose and very slowly increase it. (Some doctors will try to increase very quickly. Don’t let them.)

    Medications that will work for some people will not work for others. Some people develop anger issues when they take amphetamine based meds, which might be what happened to you. And some people are extremely sensitive to stimulants and just can’t take them at all. Have you tried any non-stimulant meds? If not, that might be something to look into. There is also a small percentage of people with ADD who just do not respond to meds at all (I think about 30% but don’t quote me).

    Counselling:

    It is difficult to find a counsellor/therapist who understands ADHD. If you feel like you are not communicating well with the one you have, consider finding a new one. If you can afford it, try looking for an ADHD coach. You could also look for support groups in your area, though they are are to find.

     

    Your Husband:

    Have you considered divorce?

    Okay, I’m not seriously suggesting that. But this makes me feel like suggesting it:

    “My husband is fed up with me. He tells me that he feels like he’s raising another child and he’s tired of telling me to do the same things over and over. If I cared, I would fix it. If I can’t do something as simple as shutting a dresser drawer, how can he rely on me for big things? Parenting decisions? Financial ones?”

    He could not possibly be more wrong.

    First, how does forgetting to close a dresser drawer make someone incapable of making decisions about parenting or finances? How are the two things even related?

    Secondly, that is just not how ADD works. There are plenty of people out there who have ADD, who also forget to close their dresser drawers, and who also happen to be doctors, paramedics, firefighters, teachers and caregivers… even accountants and lawyers.

    Forgetting little things like closing your dresser drawer does not make you incapable of doing “big things”.

    Finally, and most importantly, it is not your fault. You have a disability. Saying that if you cared you would fix it is like telling a woman who is confined to a wheelchair that if she cared, she would get up and start walking.

    As for feeling like he is raising another child, I would probably respond something like this…. 😛

    Which  is the one who is really acting like a child? The one who is trying her best to be responsible and take care of things, and feeling guilty for not being able to do it all, or the one who is complaining about how he has to be all grown up and responsible?

     

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    blackdog
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    Hi @hommebleu

    First, none of us can really “play psychiatrist” for you.  We can support you and tell you what we know from our experiences, but we can’t give you specific medical advice.

    In regards to the Ritalin: Takng it just a couple of times is not enough to know if it will work for you or not. It takes at least 3-4 weeks, as a general rule, to feel the full effects of a medication and to adjust to it. Feeling some anxiety the first few days on a new medication is perfectly normal. But if you are concearned that you may experience severe side effects, then I would recommend trying something different, like a slow release medication or a non-stimulant.

    Welbutrin seems to work really well for some people, and it is cheap compared to many of the other meds, so that’s a bonus if you don’t have coverage. It’s also not a narcotic, so there are no issues with addiction and it isn’t as tightly controlled, which makes it less of a hassle. It typically has fewer side effects than the the stimulants too, but everyone is different and there is no way to say how you will react. One downside is that it lowers the seizure threshold, meaning it can cause you to have a seizure. If I remember the statistics correctly, it happens in about 1 in 1000 people. And drinking alcohol will increase the risk.

    I can’t really comment much on the weed, because I have never used it.  It is generally not very good for your health though, despite what the pro-weed people say. It’s probably also not as bad as the anti-weed camp would have you believe. As for how it affects your ability to tolerate other meds like Ritalin, I can’t really say, but I would think it would make your tolerance higher if anything.

    The best place to get advice is probably at your pharmacy. Pharmacists are usually more knowledgeable than doctors when it comes to medications. You can also do your own research online, but be careful of your sources and make sure you are getting information that is accurate and safe.

    In regards to getting your paperwork done: I’m afraid that’s up to you. Tbere is no pill that will magically fix everything. Finding the right medication may help, but you still have to do the work. If you don’t choose to focus on your paperwork then it won’t get done.

     

     

     

     

     

     

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    in reply to: Hyperfocus and Slot Machines #127074

    blackdog
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    I agree, though I don’t believe the concept of Flow was invented by a Hungarian psychologist. I seem to recall that it is a Hindu concept, dating back thousands of years. But I will have to look it up to be sure.

    Your title caught my attention.I instantly flashed back to my one and only experience with slot machines, and how I just kept playing, and playing, and playing….. All the loud noises and the bright lights that assailed me when I first walked into the room and made me turn around and walk back out at first just disappeared while I was sitting in front of that machine, watching the little thingys spinning round, and round, and round….

    I have no idea whether I won, lost, or broke even. All I know is slot machines are bad and are to be avoided always.

    I do love it when I have those days where time slows down. Unfortunately it doesn’t happen very often.

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    in reply to: vyvanse is wearing off after 5 hours, #127073

    blackdog
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    @heweybrad

    As always, you should discuss this with your doctor. We can only give you advice based on our own experiences, and everyone is different. There is no way to know if what works for one of us will work for you.

    This is a common complaint with Vyvanse. I have seen many comments, here and elsewhere, about it not lasting as long as it’s supposed to. My personal experience is that it begins to wear off in late afternoon or early evening, so about 7-9 hours for me.

    Basically, it works differently for everyone. Metabolism, as previously mentioned, has a lot to do with it. It depends on your unique brain chemistry as well and what your particular bag of ADHD tricks is, what you need help with the most. It can be tricky to find the right medication and dosage.

    30 mg is a pretty low dose for Vyvanse, so you could try increasing the dosage to see if it lasts longer and works better. Just be sure to do it slowly and give yourself time to adjust to each new level. It takes a little while to really know if it is working and if you go up too fast you could miss your “therapeutic window”, the level that works best for you. And taking too much can make you feel even worse than if you were taking nothing at all.

    You can add another medication as well. Some people do better with a combination of meds. But that is something you would have to discuss with your doctor.

    It might help to just drink some coffee or do whatever you usually do to stimulate your brain at the time when the medication starts to wear off. I actually start to crave caffein when my meds are wearing off some days.

    It is also possible to split your Vyvanse dose and take half in the afternoon, but you didn’t hear that from me.

    I was taking 80 mg of Vyvanse a day, but I recently added 5 mg of Dexamphetamine and have cut the Vyvanse back to 4o mg and it seems to be working pretty well, except that the Dex doesn’t last long enough. Right now I am splitting my pills, so that I take 2.5 in the morning and then again around 1:00 pm, to try to stretch it out a little. I am hoping to increase it to 10 mg a day next time I see my doctor.  I have also been dividing the Vyvanse, 20 in the morning and 20 in the afternoon,  but I didn’t just tell you that and I don’t recommend it.

     

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    in reply to: HELP! Motivation issues – my most crippling symptom #127070

    blackdog
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    Debilitating motivation issues- oh yes, definitely. All my life and getting worse it seems. I have so many things to do that are very important- for real important, not just in my head important- and I just can not even get started. If I do get started I never get finished. As soon as I stop, for any reason, that’s it, I’m done. I can’t even sit down to eat if I want to keep going.

    Some days I can barely move at all. I can’t even convince myself to get something to eat when I’m hungry. And when I do have a good day or two and get some work done, I need days, or weeks to recover afterwards.

    I also feel drained after socializing. When family or friends stop by for an unannounced visit it just destroys the whole day. After they are gone I just sit down and don’t move. Just having people show up unannounced is so stressful and they all know I hate it but they do it anyway. It’s the same when I have to go somewhere to visit or interact with other humans on any level, especially if it’s unexpected. It just sucks the life right out of me.

    So far medication has not made a huge difference for me. But it might be that I  still need it adjusted, or need to try something different. And there is also 4 decades of learned behaviour and bad habits that need to be broken and medication can’t help with that.

    Personally I think a psychologist who just simply says its part of ADHD and medication will help is being unrealistic and unhelpful. It’s just like when my doctor sees me for less than 5 minutes every 3 months and says “so is the medication working?” and then doesn’t even give me a chance to really answer that question.

    I can’t really come up with anything helpful right now. I need help myself. And just saying that makes me fell like lying down and just giving up.

    If I am feeling better tomorrow I will try to be helpful then.

     

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    in reply to: Exercising with Biphentin is deadly :( #127069

    blackdog
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    @lovelylianneg

    I had a similar experience with an antidepressant once. I collapsed while vacuuming the floor and couldn’t move for several minutes. I actually thought I was going to die and I was terrified, which was ironic since I was suicidal at the time.

    That experience may have actually saved my life, because it was that day that I realized I didn’t really want to die.

    It’s the risk we take with any medication. It doesn’t mean that the medication is bad, it’s just that you reacted badly to it. Unfortunately there is no way to know how you will react until you try it, and sadly it can have serious consequences for some people.

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    blackdog
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    LOL 😀

    I just decided to take a quick look at the forums, before settling in to watch TV for the rest of the night, instead of cleaning up like I was planning to… And this is the first thread I come across.

    I always had the same problem when I came home from work. And now that I’m not working I still have the problem, except it’s all day instead of just in the evening.

    I make lists. Lots of lists. I make a to do list before I go to bed. Then I get up in the morning and either completely forget the list or start modifying it, or change my mind and make a whole new list, which I then set aside because I don’t feel like starting just yet and I think I’ll just read a book for a bit while I have my breakfast…. And that takes me up to noon, when I make a new list because I don’t have enough time left to do everything on the list I made in the morning….

    So I can’t really help you. I have to read the other comments and see if there is anything here that can help me.

    The one thing I did think of when I read your original post is that you need to break it down in even smaller chunks. Don’t try to start with one room. Start with one corner of one room. What I do, when I do clean is make a list of the individual jobs in the room I’m cleaning. So, for example, the living room would be divided into 4 jobs: remove clutter, vacuum, dust, clean tables.

    It’s the first step that’s a doozy, and usually where I get stuck. It’s hard to remove clutter when there is no where to remove it to because everywhere you look there’s more clutter. 🙄

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    in reply to: Post diagnosis blues #127020

    blackdog
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    I am going through this right now, at this moment, again. I’ve been here many times over the year and a half since my diagnosis. (My second diagnosis, actually. The first was about 12 years ago.)

    Ive been through all the stages over and over more times than I can count. I’m stuck on spin cycle. But this is where I live, in the regret/shame/grief/”why me?”/”if only…” stage.

    A local store closed this month, one that I have been going to since childhood. I went there today to buy some things from their closing sale and was fine while I was there but just broke down and started sobbing a little while ago. And I know that it’s silly to be so upset about a store closing. Or at least, I know that’s what other people think. Like my mother said, “it’s just a store”.

    But it’s not just that the store is closed. It’s that I can never go there again, that I kept putting it off and now it’s too late, that I never even got to know the staff, never so much as said “hi, how are you?” to one of them. And it’s the shock of realizing how much time has passed, of realizing that things are changing and will never be the same again, that time is running out for everything, that I haven’t done enough, that I never can do enough now. That one regret opened the flood gates and all the rest just came pouring through.

    Strangely, it really is also about the store itself. I don’t know why but it is really bothering me that it’s gone. I guess it was just that it was part of my life and that part is now lost. It was a constant, something familiar and comforting that was always there, that seemed like it always would be there.

    And it has happened at a time when I am facing the reality of losing just about everything I have ever known and my future is very uncertain.

    But enough about me.

    @lindsey3, One thing from your first post jumped out at me.  Though it probably would have helped to know what you know now when you were 20, it is no gaurante that you would have had a much healthier and happier life. There is no way to know what might have been, and dwelling on what you imagine your life would have been like “if only…”  just makes you feel more miserable.

    I know because I wasted most of the last 20+ years doing just that. I never accepted that this is my life, always kept thinking about all those other lives I thought I could be and  should be living, “if only…”

    And the result is that I have no life. I was never present in my life, never participated, never paid any attention to anything or treated any of it like it was important. And now I feel empty inside and like I can never get enough, never have had enough, because I was never there, never experienced things and created lasting memories.

    And im rambling about myself again. I’m tired and I need to stop now.

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    in reply to: Diagnosed 3 weeks ago..anxious about taking meds #127018

    blackdog
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    Hi @mikemon, welcome to the forum. 🙂

    *this is really long, just to give you fair warning*

    First of all, it’s very difficult to give advice about medication because everyone is different. What works for one person will not work for another.

    It sounds to me like you have a good psychiatrist who understands how the medications work. Not all doctors do. Many will try to tell you that one med is better than another, or that there is no point in trying different meds and stuff like that. But like I said, everyone is different, and all the meds are different too.

    Vyvanse is probably a good choice to start with because it is easier to remember to take it when it’s just once a day and it is, in a way, more gentle as she said. As a general rule slow release meds are the best choice because they prevent the ups and downs that you can get with the faster acting meds.

    In my opinion, 40 mg is just a little bit high for a first dose, but it’s actually not that bad. Most people seem to start at 30 mg. I started at 20. If you are worried about how you might react, you can actually go as low as 10 mg to start with and increase gradually. You do this by breaking open the capsules and mixing the contents with water.

    This article will explain it better:

    http://www.corepsych.com/2013/12/vyvanse-dosage-strategies-for-adhd-medication-accuracy/

    Never mind your weight and height. In this case, it has nothing to do with the dosage. What may affect it is your metabolism. Generally speaking, if you have a fast metabolism, it may not last as long, because of the way it works, through your digestive system.  You can find more info on the Core Psych site. Dr. Parker is very knowledgeable and helpful.

    You may want to avoid coffee and other caffeinated beverages, or at least cut back on the amount you normally drink, at least for awhile.  Some people find that the combination of the two is a bit too much. But if you find you are slumping a bit later in the day, when it starts to wear off, a cup of coffee might help. (Again, everyone is different)

    Give it time to work. It will take a few weeks to really know how it affects you and might take months to find the right dosage. Don’t be afraid to try other meds if the Vyvanse doesn’t do it for you. You can also add other meds to the Vyvanse if you need to. (I now take 5 mg of Dexamphetamine with my Vyvanse and find it works much better that way.)

    Finally, don’t rule out depression/anxiety completely unless you are certain. They often go hand in hand with ADHD and you may need treatment for them as well.

    And remember that the medication won’t solve all your problems. It will just make it easier for you to solve them. I am also a terrible procrastinator, and that hasn’t changed after 1 1/2 years on meds. If you choose to sit and think, that’s what you will do. You’ll just be more focused on what you are thinking about than you ever were before and be able to think about it for a much longer period of time. You need to develop some strategies to help you to change your behaviour. Get any support you can get from friends, family, or even a therapist or coach if you can afford it.

    Okay, I think that’s enough. At least for now. 😉

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