December 4, 2012 at 9:56 pm #115891
TiddlerMemberDecember 4, 2012 at 9:56 pmPost count: 802
Thanks toofat. I’ve passed on what you’ve said.
I feel very lucky to have found that ‘partnership’. Just that. Like you, there’s no ‘in spite of…’ There’s no caveat. We don’t muddle on ‘even though’ I’ve got ADHD. We just work. It’s just another happy marriage with the ups and downs of any marriage. Everyone has faults and I don’t think that my faults overshadow the positive things I can bring.REPORT ABUSEDecember 5, 2012 at 4:28 pm #115892
WgreenParticipantDecember 5, 2012 at 4:28 pmPost count: 445
When I use “bargain” in the context of “s/he’s no bargain” I employ an expression that I’ve heard since childhood. It means simply that someone can pose challenges. It’s not meant to be insulting. In fact, it’s a euphemism meant to avoid insult. Most often I hear parents use it to refer to their children, or spouses use it to poke at their significant others:
— Jane, why are you always buying stuff you don’t need?
— Well John, you’re no bargain yourself. i.e., you have faults that bug me, too, so get off my back.
I certainly meant no offense. Clearly your wife loves you very much and has a high regard for you. Still, she offered that you tend to do ADD things that have caused friction. When people from around the world get together on internet bulletin boards, it’s inevitable I suppose that regional usages can cause misunderstandings. I did not mean to be sarcastic.
So why did I suggest a string for significant other input? Because it’s instructive—if enough people participate and if people are honest. The man you love to dismiss, Russell Barkley, says that, in his experience, most adult ADDers either fail to see or hide much of their dysfunctional behavior when questioned. Ask an adult ADDer about his/her life and you get one set of answers. Ask a parent or spouse and you get an entirely different set of answers.
But Barkley aside, my personal family experience with ADD is that it shatters lives, sometimes even leads to suicide. I’ve seen the destruction over and over again with my own eyes. That’s why I’ve been astonished that several people on this board, including yourself, have such radically different perspectives. Now, having heard from your wife, I know she corroborates your own much different narrative. Frankly, it was great to hear.
My best to you both.REPORT ABUSEDecember 5, 2012 at 7:14 pm #115893
TiddlerMemberDecember 5, 2012 at 7:14 pmPost count: 802
Wgreen, I don’t care for the term ‘no bargain’ either, though I accept that you didn’t mean it offensively. I don’t pose challenges to my husband any more than anyone else does. They’re just different issues and problems. And we all bring those to a relationship.
Yes, some people with ADHD will be involved in gambling, heavy drinking, addictive drug use, cheating or have volatile tempers and so on and so on. But so do plenty of neuro-typical people. And there are many other people with ADHD that is just as pronounced as the people with these behaviours who have never been involved in these kinds of behaviours.
I’m not experiencing a mild form of ADHD because I don’t cheat or hit the bottle or get into debt on poker sites. I have serious problems caused by how my brain works that have held me back and made my life very hard at times.
But I don’t want to feel like some second best wife because of it – ‘no bargain’ means ‘not exactly won the jackpot’. However you look at it, it’s about being ‘not that great’. ‘Not exactly a catch.’
Well, I don’t think that sounds like toofat, or me, or plenty of other people who post here.
I used to live with a man who hit me. He didn’t have ADHD. I had an ex boyfriend who was an alcoholic. He didn’t have ADHD either. Having ADHD doesn’t = ‘problem partner’ any more than not having ADHD = ‘great catch’. And thinking ADHD means we’re ‘less than’ is one of the reasons we’re more vulnerable to abuse or bullying from others.REPORT ABUSEJanuary 24, 2013 at 1:01 pm #118652
phoenixmagicgirlMemberJanuary 24, 2013 at 1:01 pmPost count: 90
I learn visually so if you give me a problem and ask me to think of ways to solve said problem, my mind will create pictures to all solve the problem.
I love to write…in terms of that, I can see the big picture (knowing what I want to write) but I’m also very very detail oriented when it comes to describing my characters actions, emotions etc. If you give me a laptop and a blank Word document, I can (and have) sit for hours and pump out pages and pages of writing.
I LOVE asking questions (especially to stuff I don’t understand)!! The people I talk to sometimes get irked because of all the questions….I just like understanding why something is the way it is.
I’ m very empathetic towards people.
I’m learning how to not focus on the small details of why something is the way it is and to just do it. For example, I do martial arts and I don’t know if anyone here takes it but you know it’s not easy!!! If I was told to receive a punch,another punch and then a kick from my opponent and I didn’t get it, I would often ask questions about part of the technique and I would miss the overall point of the technique…so I’m learning to do the technique and not worry about the details…does that make sense to anyone? LOL
I’m a very logical person when it comes to thinking a problem through and how to solve it.
I’m very good at forming deep, meaningful interpersonal relationships with people…once I get to know you better.
I’ve a very strong, good work ethic.
I don’t ever ever ever ever give up on something! (Has anyone ever seen the HBO miniseries Band Of Brothers? Richard Winters the CO, always told his men to “hang tough” which means never ever ever ever ever give up).January 24, 2013 at 7:04 pm #118662
Patte RosebankParticipantJanuary 24, 2013 at 7:04 pmPost count: 1517
Never give up???
I am reminded of the wise words of Benny Hill:
They said that it could not be done.
Some even said they knew it.
But he faced up to what could not be done,
And he couldn’t bloody do it!January 24, 2013 at 7:04 pm #118663
Patte RosebankParticipantJanuary 24, 2013 at 7:04 pmPost count: 1517
Hey, if you’re struggling to do something, you might as well laugh about it!REPORT ABUSEJanuary 26, 2013 at 3:57 am #118683
Hopeful_in_OntarioMemberJanuary 26, 2013 at 3:57 amPost count: 9
I’m “usually right” and want to use my “superpowers” to help my community. I hyper-focus but I don’t make snap decisions about big issues. The week of skills and abilities, etc testing I took at the employment centre said I’m “usually right” about things. Not sure how to include that on a resume though, LOL. I guess that’s because I try to thoroughly investigate new ideas and techniques before making up my mind. I was also made to feel inferior, discounted and put down a lot when growing up, so that’s probably why I feel obligated to provide references and links to positions I take on specific issues (these are basic truths, not whining, and definitely not spam).
I think I see everyone as equals, so I’m not afraid to call B.S. on a so-called “expert” if their info is faulty. A person doesn’t necessarily have to have letters after their name to be a true expert. An “opinion—regardless of source—is valid only if it is based on objective, relevant, and verifiable evidence”.
Testing confirmed I am a problem solver and am not content to merely complain about things. I see successful things that other communities are doing and want our community to do them too. I decided to focus on one specific area and got involved. Where others don’t have time to do the research, my hyper-focus lets me investigate this new information on specifics of how these other communities made positive changes. The head of the committee I’m on said I’m way ahead of everyone else. I think she means I have done the research, can see the big picture and how the issues are solvable.
I compare the comprehensive solution I’m pursuing as similar to a Rubik’s cube; you know t’s solvable by following specific instructions to repeat success that others have had. This provides something positive to focus on and keeps me enthusiastic.
I look for gaps, areas I can contribute right now.
I’m open to new information that often goes against the status quo. This has allowed me to change my attitude and beliefs but still remember and identify with those who hold other beliefs. When something has proven to work in so many other places, however, I’m like a dog with a bone; I am compelled to improve my communication if that will help someone understand my ideas better.
Because I have been sharing and discussing the new ideas online, I can usually simplify them and provide analogies, examples and references to show they are doable.
I believe I am aware of many of my faults and issues that I need to work on.REPORT ABUSEJanuary 27, 2013 at 8:24 am #118701
Phil, Just Phil.ParticipantJanuary 27, 2013 at 8:24 amPost count: 43
@Larynxa you crack me up. The kids look up now whenever yackety sax comes on, so I think I am doing my part.
superpowers, hmm… Well sometimes I can see a dead simple solution to something, just far enough into left field that no one else has found it yet. That flow between big picture and minute details can be a superpower too, if you harness it the right way.January 28, 2013 at 8:32 am #118719
AmyMemberJanuary 28, 2013 at 8:32 amPost count: 161
I think my ADHD superpower is that I can think through a problem very quickly and find the loose ends. I may think of something from a totally different perspective than others. A lot of times my mind won’t let go of a problem until it’s fixed!REPORT ABUSEJanuary 31, 2013 at 10:31 am #118784
TakingbacktylerMemberJanuary 31, 2013 at 10:31 amPost count: 24
My “Super Power” is the compassion that ADHD has taught me. I know how it feels to be different and to think diffrently than most.REPORT ABUSE
It happens frequently that i hit it off with some random stranger at the super market or at a party and they end up spilling there whole life story to me. They usually tell me they just felt like they could talk to me. Prettt cool.February 28, 2013 at 2:59 pm #119306
RobboMemberFebruary 28, 2013 at 2:59 pmPost count: 929
This thread is just a good read.
As I read all, or most of these posts. It occurred to me that I’m really good at encouragement. It’s a powerful thing to be able to do. I was never a cheerleader, too prideful and I look to freaky in my sisters cheerleader outfit. (on Halloween, uhuh, I did that…) That night I had to work on discouragement when drunk friends kept pulling up my skirt!. Some things are never good to encourage.
Encouraging others is the oil in the bottom of the crankcase. It’s the gas in the inspirational tank for many folks. I provide some of the fuel that human beings need to defend their human rights.
Life will tear you down, you can count on a raging ADDer to lift you back up. We’re the friend folks know they can talk to about “deep, heavy stuff” (mostly…)
I never said I was consistent.
It improves my self esteem when I focus on building up another person. In contrast, I find it frustrating and usually will speak up when folks go on and on about “what’s wrong with people”. Too many times we all, (myself included of course) tend to get caught up in all the negative human conflict going on in the world.
I can also look back and see how I’ve always been able to mediate when two opposing groups get into a heated argument. I can find common ground, help folks find a compromise when they all seem to have given up.
Like so many ADDers, I can see the world “from a birds eye view” We see the big picture.
I was reading an article about Richard Branson (sp?) the dude who owns Virgin Airlines. He said he had a talent for dialing into “what’s really important” He could cut through all the details around any given project and get down to the nitty gritty “bottom line”, and didn’t let unimportant details distract him from the obvious.
I’ve been told that I have “a brilliant sense of the obvious”. Many times it’s been said almost sarcastically. Usually because the person pointing out my ability was embarrassed because they didn’t see the easy solution first!. I just cut through red tape with a chainsaw.
That’s the ADD way…
Cut through red tape with a dang flame thrower! 😀 (okay, well… maybe not a flame thrower, but I’m highly enthusiastic!). That’s all, n get a lil carried away some… well, okay a lot some times.
Why do you think I say DGMS so much? Cuz if I get started………. yep, you know…
R-REPORT ABUSEFebruary 28, 2013 at 5:36 pm #119315
phoenixmagicgirlMemberFebruary 28, 2013 at 5:36 pmPost count: 90
@TrailMix your post reminded me that I too am good at encouraging others, through whatever the situation. I too like to be a mediator of sorts when it cones to two people fighting..there have been times when I’ve wanted to run away too because I didn’t want to deal with the conflict anymore. I find it is a good self esteem booster when you can help someone out either by listening, giving them a card to say ‘thank you for being you’. I did that for my boss this week, just because I like seeing him happy it makes me feel good on the inside. It’s funny he even told me that he could sit and talk with me for hours! :)It’s no wonder ADDer’s are such good listener’s!February 28, 2013 at 5:59 pm #119316
sar316MemberFebruary 28, 2013 at 5:59 pmPost count: 55
I can think outside of any box like it’s nobody’s buisness
I can entertain myself for hours as long as I’m provided with ANYTHING, even longer if I’m alone
I know myself pretty well because I’m constantly talking to me
I am a super hard, loyal worker
I am amazing with little kids (they are like the little external versions of my mind so we get along great and I ‘get’ them)
I love nature photography and take amazing photos because as I wander around out doors I see the beauty in so many things that others easily miss
I can come up with solutions to problems that others would have never came close to thinking of
And I think I have an amazing sense of humour and I can almost always find the funny in a situationREPORT ABUSEMarch 3, 2013 at 2:12 am #119337
DearADDMemberMarch 3, 2013 at 2:12 amPost count: 1
my super power is that i’m kind, friendly , and I can cheer lots of people up when they are sad or stressed.
I take it as a personal mission to make sure everyone feels good.
I try to find the good in most thing and remember the good like I only focus on it rather then the bad.
I give out lots love to everyone in form of hugs, compliments, and I believe everyone deserve a smile.
simple things make me extremely happy. hmmm I’m going to try to describe it like something is the best something thing in the world that I’ve ever felt , like the feel of the sun on my face, or how pretty flowers look.March 3, 2013 at 2:17 am #119338
What's your superpower? Focusing on the positiveShadow Nexus2012-08-29T20:20:34+00:00
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