September 30, 2019 at 4:14 pm #132177
worndownParticipantSeptember 30, 2019 at 4:14 pmPost count: 1
Male past 40. Struggled hard the past decade with severe ptsd. Tried any and all things to get a better life. I’ve tried all kinds of therapies, various combos of meds, I’ve tried to power through, yet here I am. Struggling with the most mundane every day tasks. Like washing my clothes, cook for myself or keep the house clean. Socially I’ve struggled as long as I can remember. Finally my doctor told me to go see yet another professional, this time it was to check if there was adhd as well. I haven’t found away to deal with ptsd and everyday life and now I got another 4 letter brain issue I need to consider and play ball with?
I do feel some hope, because the adhd might explain why my brain work the way it does. And it might not just be me and my laziness as I’ve always been told. “you need to apply yourself”, “just focus and you will get it”, “stop screwing around”, “sshh”, “you can do so much better”, etc. I’ve heard this my whole life. And after the ptsd more or less became the boss of my life what little self esteem I got vanished completely.
But with the new four letter brain miss function my thinking brain tells me it is not me, it is not my fault. Yet I can’t own it. I still feel shame for who I am, what I haven’t mastered and all the failures. And I also feel a bit of anger towards the doctors that didn’t figure this out 25 years ago when the ptsd was discovered. I’ve tried so hard and worked so hard all my life, and I got nothing to show for it. And now I am getting caught up in brain loops about what if’s. What if I knew about adhd in university. What if I didn’t get fired so often. What if I could keep a job. What if I could maintain relationships and keep a few friends. I feel like I missed out on life all these years.
How do you guys deal with it all? This is so overwhelming I can’t really take it all in. And I don’t know where to start and what to do. How can I train myself to accept the adhd, and get better at every day life? How can I be on time? More then once in a blue moon? How can I finish a project on time?REPORT ABUSEOctober 8, 2019 at 12:47 pm #132184
matlock08ParticipantOctober 8, 2019 at 12:47 pmPost count: 1
Hi WD ,I empathise deeply with your frustration ,ive realised this year ive had ADHD most my life and im struggling to cope with the “what ifs”.
The end of the month I’m going for my assessment.
Im 4 years sober but I can see looking back that was only the start of my journey. How I’m alive ile never know. But it doesn’t look like I got away with it ,chronic anxiety and depression this year has me housebound .undiagnosed anxiety most of my life also.
I keep falling into the self pity trap ,but eventually ile have to find a way out and try help others be aware ,it seems to be the only way to counteract the self destructive anger over it being missed when I was younger. I day dream with “what ifs” it had been seen ,even in my 20s when my drinking and partying was way too much.REPORT ABUSE
Dam I’m struggling these days.
We keep learning and keep hope alive ,this self compassion alludes me these days ,but we need to find it.
Take care on your journey .
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