My life of confusion, forgetfulness and being an impostor

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My life of confusion, forgetfulness and being an impostor 2018-02-05T21:46:50+00:00

The Forums Forums Emotional Journey My Story My life of confusion, forgetfulness and being an impostor

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  • #128596

    etheshy
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    Post count: 2

    I am 28 and Russian.
    I suspect I might have ADHD but I have no idea how to check it in my country.
    Psychiatry is mostly punitive here.
    Most likely answers I will get if I go see a doctor about my problems will be:
    1) Get more sleep
    2) If that does not work, have some sedative and see if it helps you get more sleep
    3) If that does not work, have yourself locked in a mental hospital for a month and get pumped with sedative there. Meanwhile, you will lose rights to claim most jobs and to drive a car cause you will be a registered psycho after that.

    I am also afraid I might actually be a psycho. Or I’m faking it and cannot stop.

    I got carried away and almost dumped my entire life’s story here. There seems to be no need for that.
    Short version:
    I grew up without a father. My mother hated and abused me for being male and, therefore, garbage.
    I was always quite absent-minded. And, most likely due to abuse, acquired a bad skill of not remembering many episodes of my life (mostly stressful ones, but I do not really have control over what I forget).

    I tried to kill myself two times. Both times I did not have it in me to actually do it. Still, I usually retell it to people as two (in some versions – three) valid suicide attempts. I lie at times to get attention. It happens rarer now that I am getting old.

    I married at 22. Mother threw me out of home as soon as she heard that I have a girlfriend. She was afraid “there would be bastards who would have a legal claim to the apartment”.

    I am in a happy marriage. I love my wife. But I cannot help forgetting things, misplacing other things, getting carried away and unintentionally ignoring conversations and screwing things up. I do not know what to do and who to turn to.

    I might have ADD. I also might be lying to myself that I might have ADD – it stops me from thinking that my mom was right and I am worthless.
    I also feel like an impostor that comes to a forum for people who have real problems with some weird insignificant story.
    Still, I am glad to have put this to writing.

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    #128597

    That Guy with ADHD
    Participant
    Post count: 125

    Здравствуйте Etheshy,

    Welcome to the forum. Your story has a ring of familiarity. For me it wasn’t so much forgetfulness (although I misplace things a lot) but being distracted from what I was supposed to be doing. I would go to the kitchen to get something to eat and end up washing all the dishes without taking a single bite of anything. Or I would go shopping and pick up a bunch of things other than what I was supposed to get. As for self esteem I have very little of that even now. Like you I feel as if I am an imposter. At work I play the role but don’t feel like I deserve it. I do good work and I know it but a voice inside my head trys to tell me I shouldn’t be there. CBT is helping me deal with that.

    Start by taking the ADHD test on this site. If you test positive for either type of ADHD I would assume that I have it and work on things I can do for myself such as eating right (high protien breakfast, essential vitamins, etc) , getting excersize, and learning as much as you can about ADHD. There are many helpful tips and blogs on this site as well as videos, plus much more on the internet. The people on this forum are good so read their posts and ask questions. I found talking to people like myself was the best form of therapy.

    Best regards

    Richard
    AKA That Guy with ADHD

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