Is it a me thing, or an ADD thing?

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Is it a me thing, or an ADD thing? 2014-08-25T23:04:34+00:00

The Forums Forums Emotional Journey Is It Just Me? Is it a me thing, or an ADD thing?

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  • #125851

    robynshnobyn
    Member
    Post count: 15

    “I’m only happy when I’m on the run, I broke a million hearts just for fun.” 

    It baffles me how frequently my relationships end simply because I get bored with my partner. I’m not proud of it in the slightest, because those who bore me most are often those who treat me best. In a relationship, I always need something to analyse about the other person. Otherwise, it feels stagnant and boring.

    And heaven forbid, boring.

    Those who are keen on deception tend to interest me because I try to psychoanalyse why someone would do that to someone else. It’s completely fascinating because I’ll never understand it. Yeah, not proud of that either.

    It’s confusing to me, because others don’t seem to think that being bored in a relationship is as critical or frequent as it is with me.

    I just wonder is it possible I get bored so easily because getting bored easily is a pinnacle symptom of ADD? or do I just over-think my relationships until they have no meaning any more, and this is just my own problem?

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    #125852

    Scattybird
    Participant
    Post count: 1096

    Hi – the answer is possibly both – but with a weighting towards it being an ADD thing.

    If I remember correctly from your other posts you are still relatively young? Bearing in mind we’re all a bit behind in the mental maturity game, you’re possibly still finding out about your likes and dislikes in other people and we all change as we get older so those likes and dislikes also change.

    However, what you describe (at least in my opinion) is typical of ADD. Routine and things being the same are recipes for mind wandering for us.

    The ideal is a caring partner who loves us dearly but has spontaneity.

    Sadly our ‘community’ is littered with failed relationships, a higher than average divorce rate and single folk who haven’t found the right person. At least that’s my reading of the anecdotes and stats.

    It does sound like you over analyse though. Try to enjoy someone’s company without the psychoanalysis and see what happens.

    I have never found Mr. Right and don’t believe he exists. But I can’t visualise myself in a permanent relationship – I look at friends who are and their lives seems rather dull. But they are happy so that’s my failing somewhere along the line. On saying that, it must be lovely to have a partner that you can trust, share your life with and be your soul-mate.

    You don’t want to be in a relationship for the sake of it though. So many people seem to feel peer pressure to have a partner and it’s not necessary until the right person comes along. But if you find someone that you fall in love with, you will need to respect them for who they are and take the rough with the smooth. I suspect it’s very hard for someone with ADD to control the emotional impulses and make a partner happy, or be really happy themselves if they are continually curbing their thoughts and feelings. But hard is not impossible or even improbable and it’s potentially rewarding.

    Try not to over-think your relationships and respect your partner for who they are, faults and all – just enjoy their company and if you can’t, then they are not right for you. If they don’t make you happy then don’t commit. The problem I have found is someone can make me happy for a short time and I am fiercly loyal and they are my world and then, yes, boredom sets in – they haven’t changed, but my brain can’t cope with routine or a feeling of being ‘captured’. The newness is a novelty and being liked/loved is nice, but then the novelty wears off. Like you I am not sure if that’s me or an ADD thing, but either way it’s who I am. Now I avoid getting involved because I don’t want to be trapped, nor do I want to hurt someone. I am also old enough to be comfortable as I am and rely on friends chosen over the years for company. I used to attribute it all to having a s**t father who made my Mother’s life hell – I never wanted to fall into the same trap as her. But as I have aged I think it’s more than that because there are a lot of nice men out there who would be delightful people to be with….for someone other than me. Also, I was diagnosed quite late in life and suddenly my attitudes and behaviour make sense.

    So my vote goes for it being an ADD thing.

     

     

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    #125868

    friendlymathematician
    Member
    Post count: 19

    At least you only psychoanalyze them and get bored. When I get bored, I start messing with people. For example, if there’s a woman that’s trying to loose weight for vanity reasons, I’ll start leaving out various chocolates to see how much self-control she has and how her voicing of her outward appearance changed over time. I’d be the one to changed the teacher’s staff room coffee from regular to decaf for a month and then find a highly caffeinated coffee to see the effects on their psyche during those changed. Worse part is, I’d probably keep a journal if the entertainment was great.

    On the bright side, you’re not as evil or mischievous as I am.

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    #125889

    sar316
    Member
    Post count: 55

    @robynshnobyn

    I kind of feel the same way, except instead of leaving the situation I move into a mode of challenging myself to be a better person. I start to very deeply look at myself and understand myself on levels most people can’t come close to grasping. It’s one thing to analyze others, it’s an entirely different challenge analyzing yourself in any given situation, modifying your behaviour and then further analysis.

    This has helped save a number of my relationships because I can disconnect from people who are very close to me very easily. Seriously, it’s almost scary. I had to start deciding wether I want to shut out everyone who I have out grown, bores me, annoys me, makes me feel uncomfortable, ect OR do I want some form of companionship that can trust me to not drop them like a hot potato.

    Trust me. 7 years with the same person and a year from a wedding, it has not been easy, but it’s worth holding onto people that challenge you to be back on earth with the boring people because that’s where we are.

    If you can find someone that is willing to put up with you while you learn to do this then don’t let go because you are probably challenging each other in more ways than either of you realize and it’s probably not a bad thing.

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