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Hi from a new member! 2011-12-25T19:01:45+00:00

The Forums Forums I Just Found Out! I Suspect I Am Hi from a new member!

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  • #110718
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    Patte Rosebank
    Participant
    Post count: 1517

    It’s a task that most people learn early, but those of us with ADHD have enormous trouble learning, early, middle, or late, in life!

    My crib was such a shambolic mess of stuffed toys, that my mom remembers coming into my room to check on me in the night, and having a hard time picking out which was the baby and which were stuffed toys and dolls.

    My childhood room was always a mess, and, today, my old room is full of my treasures, and the many things my mom has put there for storage…not making much of a difference from when I lived there.

    When I was in Brownies, you needed your Golden Bar in order to start working on your Golden Hand, which then allowed you to fly up to the Girl Guides.

    I did everything necessary for my Golden Bar, except for “Keep your room tidy for 2 weeks”. The most I ever managed was 2 days. My Brown Owl let me start working on my Golden Hand anyway, and when I’d done everything necessary for that, she said, “I know that, cumulatively, you’ve kept your room clean for more than 2 weeks” (well, it *had* been 2 years!) and awarded me my Golden Bar and my Golden Hand.

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    #110719
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    Tiddler
    Member
    Post count: 802

    Hiya.

    Re this:

    “I need to learn to put things back or throw things away the moment I’m done”

    It may be that you never, ever manage to do this. I don’t. I can’t do it even on the meds. It takes remembering that you have something in your hand, remembering that that thing has a place, remembering what the place actually is and actually doing it without getting distracted en route. Yes, I do it sometimes – probably quite a lot of the time to be fair – but many times a day it eludes me.

    So, instead, I do a sweep, when I remember, and try to pick up after myself. I have been working in bed much of today (as that’s where I don’t get disturbed by the kids or lose my books!) There are FIVE cups and glasses round the bed. Three of them are still full because I forgot I had them. One is half full. I honestly had no idea they were there until this second. I’ll forget again in a moment but when I notice them again I’ll sweep them all up and take them down to the dishwasher.

    In other words, don’t try to do the ‘perfect’ thing. Maybe bend a little in your expectations of yourself and it won’t be so overwhelming when you try to tackle it?

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    #110720
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    Scattybird
    Participant
    Post count: 1096

    carsonky – nice to see you back here again – this is where you tell me you’ve been posting daily and I have missed them!

    I agree – I read my post above and it is frightening that I haven’t done a thing to my house in the seven months since I wrote it. I don’t know whether to be horrified or just laugh! Both probably.

    So carsonky – how about setting each other the challenge of us both making some significant progress on our respective houses? Let’s come back to this next February and compare notes!

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    #110721
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    Tiddler
    Member
    Post count: 802

    Ooh! Can I join in, please? All I want to do is actually fill and hang the photo frames we bought years ago. Our walls are bare and we have some lovely photos of the kids I want to display.

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    #110722
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    Anonymous
    Post count: 14412

    Tiddler – Your kick in the pants brutal honesty is actually something I needed to read. I’m 42.. 42!!! And I have no housecleaning skills whatsoever. So true about forgetting that I had something in my hand like you just a few moments ago like the teleporting Sharpie pens!

    As I look around the living room, I see mail on the floor near the door that I toss without thinking or realizing on the ground. Plates and cups around every chair from watching tv, getting done and placing it down, and then forgetting about it. Clothes everywhere as I tend to get out my sweaty work clothes immediately from returning to work to be replaced by tshirts and shorts. Computer parts here and there and the tools needed to get the work done laying around and about… Newspapers, magazines, etc etc and that’s just one room! This is why it’s a vicious circle because habits like this screw up a room in no time at all. Maybe if I learn to accept that this is me and it’ll never be perfect, I’ll begin to accept it and learn to make progress even if it’s miniscule.

    Scatty – Nice to see you still around as well as I certainly remember you. I’m down with your idea. We’ll make February the final day for progress reports, but December 23 would be a good “what have you done so far” day. I would love to be able to invite my family over for the FIRST TIME in six years on Christmas instead of me going over there and making excuses. Tiddler, you are more than welcome to join and any others out there!

    I’ll try to pop in more, but, as you all most certainly understand, I might not remember to. Nice to see you all again.

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    #110723
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    nellie
    Member
    Post count: 596

    Well I’d love to join you guys as well . My personal Achilles heal is my basement ( disaster zone territory). The rest of the house isn’t too terrible but teeters in and out of chaos if I don’t watch out. Just general clutter that can be cleared away in a day if I stick to it but that of course is half the problem!

    But If I may make a humble suggestion – it seems that your deadline is rather far off so might benefit from some closer interim deadlines for specific tasks. I do believe there is research to support that long term deadlines are detrimental to success in general let alone for anyone with ADD!. The most progress I’ve made in the past occurred when I planned it out by the hours and days and scheduled the work into my agenda.

    So I’m game if you all are! I propose we figure out the scope of our project(s) and then schedule times and interim deadlines in chunks to make sure we achieve our goals. So what do you guys think?

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    #110724
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    Tiddler
    Member
    Post count: 802

    For those who don’t know about flylady, it’s worth having a look in. I didn’t mean to sound brutal, Carsonky. I’m sorry about that! I don’t think you need to settle for miniscule changes. They can be bigger than they look – it’s just a different way of tackling it.

    For example, the ‘fling boogies’ worked well in our house and I’ve gone from a lifetime of being mortified if someone came to the door unexpected to being able to welcome people in at any time – mainly because it’s now ‘lived in’ rather than horrendous but also because I’ve decided I don’t need ‘perfect’ any more.

    I don’t want to post a link in case it crashes the thread, but look up the fling boogies. I used to love doing them.

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    #110725
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    Tiddler
    Member
    Post count: 802

    Also, reading back I realise that the glasses are STILL on the bedside tables… 😳

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    #110726
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    Scattybird
    Participant
    Post count: 1096

    carsonky – every room in my house fits the description you gave of your room! Also, I knocked the kitchen out ages ago (years not weeeks), I bought a new kitchen which is in boxes in my living room (those boxes will have been there a year in November), some of the kitchen items are still in the store and I never got around to collecting them so goodness knows if I can still get them. I have lost the plans for the kitchen so haven’t a clue how it all fits together.

    I also have a new bathroom in my living room (also in boxes) but thankfully I didn’t demolish the old bathroom like I did the old kitchen.

    So my downstairs is uninhabitable and my upstairs is completely cluttered.

    Sometimes it really gets me down – but mostly I don’t even notice! Like you, the mail gets dumped and I don’t even ‘see it’ even though it’s in a pile in front of me.

    So, Tiddler and Nellie – it would be great to have you on board here too.

    I only suggested seven months because that’s when my last post was here and I haven’t moved forward at all in that time.

    So, let’s take up your suggestion Nellie – so I’m going to list my household tasks and deadlines and carsonky – we’ll check in with you on Dec 23 if not before but Nellie is right about timescales.

    So given that I am tied up with work trips until end of Sept things are a bit fraught – excuses already….but here’s my plan:

    20th Aug – will have given builder details of room sizes and what needs fitting – kitchen, bathroom, floors, electrics sorting, subsidence issue needs dealing with. (I need someone in as overwhelm has kicked in – plus I am useless).

    Then I am at his mercy with time but once in his hands I should be able to progress because it will be out of my hands.

    By 30 September – I will have decorated my bedroom and decluttered it (doing that myself).

    Once kitchen out of my living room, I will strip the varnish off the stairs and re-varnish, remove some old plaster and re-fill – I will complete that within 3 weeks of the boxes going.

    I’ll firm up on dates once I have a date from the builder. Of course I haven’t worked out how I am going to afford this builder but….

    That’s a start for me. So my first deadline and the one that everything hinges on is 20th Aug.

    Good luck ‘dream team’.

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    #110727
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    nellie
    Member
    Post count: 596

    Hey great start Scattybird!

    Another suggestion – and this is based on what I learned from the coach I worked with – is that you estimate the time it takes to do things and then add about a 40 % of error margin. Then schedule that time into concrete dates in your agenda. Perhaps you have already done this and are giving us the summary with your August 20th date but then …we all have ADD, so I’m taking a wild guess here and assuming you just picked the August 20th date sort of at random :-)

    By way of example, here’s how my basement project will go off the top of my head:

    12 hours sorting stuff in main area + 40 % = 17 hours rounded off. ANother 3 hours to take stuff out of the house to the car. Another 2 hours to take it to goodwill . SO that’s already 22 hours. May as well round that out to 25 hours. Will now need to look at my schedule and see how I can carve out those hours based on my availability a few hours at a time.

    The last time I did this it took me two weeks to finish which was amazing since it had been a disaster for about a year!

    And one more thing Scattybird, do you have a builder? if not ,don’t forget to factor in time to “find” one ! And to measure if you haven’t already done that. But he’ll probably want to measure, no?

    Also, it’ll probably work out better if you dictate your deadline for it to be finished and build it into the contract . I’ve even seen suggestions that there is a penalty if it’s not done. Last year a few weeks before Christmas I i decided I couldn’t live with my kitchen floor a second longer ( this had been one of those 20 year indecision projects!) so scheduled two parties plus family CHristmas at my house. Then got a contractor by fluke who was available . I told him I was having parties but needed it to be done a week before the first one. I swear this guy had ADD as well so I helped him plan the timing of everything. The week ahead deadline was because I figured something would go wrong. Which it did – “it” being the fact he thought the deadline date was the date of my first party so he started to procrastinate when he found out he had a week buffer! ANyway it all got done but I was still doing touch-up painting the day of the party! So all this to say if I hadn’t planned out the time and left it to someone else I would not have had it done on time!

    Anyhow now am going to take my own advice and plan stuff for real!

    Oh and Tiddler – i’m also a big Fly Lady fan – Fling boogies are fabulous! DOne lots of ’em – just not enough I guess!

    Have you read her bit where she says you should keep your bedroom like a hotel room? Ever since I read that it’s looked pretty good. I also do the morning “swish and swipe” in my Master bath, make my bed and tidy up the bedroom re laundry. Doing the laundry….well that depends! And can’t start the day before getting “dressed to the shoes” either. Just have not mastered the shining sink at night bit!

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    #110728
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    Tiddler
    Member
    Post count: 802

    Woo hoo for the fliers! My bedroom is my dumping ground – I completely agree with her about it being important and I feel guilty about it so maybe that can be my other target.

    Photos – by 17th September.

    Room – by 10th September EEK!

    There’s a challenge!

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    #110729
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    Anonymous
    Post count: 14412

    Tiddler – No, please don’t feel bad about what you said. The “it may be that you never ever manage to do this” is something I needed to hear. I just have to learn to accept that I’m wired differently.

    Estimating the time to get done plus 40%. I can do that. Without going into detail why and adding the 40%, Living Room will take close to 10-11 hours. Kitchen is in awful shape and will take 15. Computer room will need 9. Bathroom roughly 9 or 10. Bathroom 2 is worse and will take 12-13. Bedroom is my catchall and the door won’t even open very well due to the clutter. That will take around 15-20 hours. Basement will take 12. Adding optional organizing in basement will take 20 more. So on the low end, it will take me 82 hours. Yes, I will definitely need until at least December to get it done.

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    #110730
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    Scattybird
    Participant
    Post count: 1096

    Wow Nellie – thank you for your advice! Are you sure you have ADD – you sound so organised! :)

    What you say is right. Re the builder – I don’t actually have one yet but I know someone who does. He is just waiting for me to get around to telling him what needs doing. That should take me half an hour but somehow it is taking me months!

    Ah well…

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    #110731
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    Anonymous
    Post count: 14412

    My mother sent me the DVD -ADD& Loving it as she thought my 5 yr old had it and she suggested (strongly as in a phone call every 2 hours) that I get it checked out. A funny thing happened on the way to the Forum (actually it was my DVD player but Forum sounds better) I played the DVD and said “Oh (fill in the blank depending upon G to R rating vocabulary)!” this is me…After reading symptoms and seeing that I fall into 90 % of them, I figured I’d get checked in Arizona (anyone who lived here once or came and left in July/August, I would appreciate a resource/contact) and my first appointment is August 27th. God is good as I’ve been employeed by the same company for over 20 + years however, I have the Antichrist as a client and she’s getting sick and tired of the impulsive emails, unorganized thoughts, etc. (You know the drill) so I need to not only beat this but thrive!

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    #110732
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    nellie
    Member
    Post count: 596

    Ahh Scattbird, you’ve hit the nail on the head here! (But Yes I have ADD – one look at my basement and desk and you wouldn’t have to ask :-) )

    But actually I’m great at planning – just really really terrible at following the plan!!

    I’ve been meaning to get to working out estimates for my projects to post here but have been too “busy.” Just realized that although it did lots of stuff this week I didn’t have a master plan for the short term so I feel like I’m spinning my wheels.

    So here’s my first estimate:

    By August 15th – I will have completed my time plan for the next 6 months so that I can schedule in the various projects I’ve been ignoring!

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