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Drowning 2011-04-24T15:19:03+00:00

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  • #89497
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    Carrie
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    Post count: 529

    Today is Easter! Hooray right? Not for me! Today shows my biggest weaknesses! I am a mess, I am unorganized. My house is always upside down since I am always working, I have 2 little ones who live up to being young and making messes! My husband is always on the go. If hes not at work his cell phone rings off the hook, people calling him to fix this and fix that. I can’t expect him to clean after a hard day of work.

    I have the in-laws coming over today which is fine. I had 3 days off in which I planned to clean but instead procrastinated AS ALWAYS and now here I am at the last minute rushing around trying to clean. Im sick of this life I live. Im sick of the way I do things! It shouldn’t have to be like this!

    I am on medication, but I know meds are not enough to solve the problem. I NEED help! I don’t know where to start! There are so many places to start, so many things to do! Then they say “well pick one thing” Which one?? I cant choose!!! I still bounce here, then there, and everywhere and then get discouraged! Life shouldnt be so difficult! They are simple choices and I just cant do it!

    I always tell myself “well if my floor was tile it would be easier… If I did this it would be different” but those are just excuses! I feel it all has to be perfect, and I just can’t get it through my head that perfect does not exist and if I would just get off my fat lazy butt it would work.

    Easier said than done. Why am I such a failure? I know I could do so many things! I have the brains to do so, yet I can’t organize myself and can’t stick to anything long enough. I need professional help but when you live in the middle of no where that help is hard to come by. Then when you do find help it costs so much!!!! Yeah there is financial aid, but we make too much money for that. We hardly have any debt, yet we still dont have money for anything!

    My son is in kindergarten, ONLY kindergarten, how can I keep track of his homework when I cant even keep track of myself?? Im scrapping by! My kids deserve more than a mom who has lost her mind trying to find this or that and trying to comprehend what the heck is going on in the school. The school news letter!! BLEH! Lots of reading, its overwhelming! Then I get notes from the teacher “He needed this today, and wheres this?’ I want my kids to be enthusiastic about school and learning but how can I show them how great it is when I dont know whats going on or what to do!!

    Im a failure! I bought all the candy for the kids for easter… I meant to hide it and set up a cool treasure hunt… Did it happen? No. So now instead of my kids waking up to all these little treasures like I remember and being so excited and filled with joy “oh here kids.. Heres the little eggs I meant to hide” Of course they still LOVED them… But I could of done more! I SHOULD OF DONE MORE!!! Story of my life! I COULD OF DONE MORE!! WHY DIDNT I!!?? I HAD THE TIME!!! When Will I ever learn! I know these things yet I do them OVER AND OVER AND OVER! Thus making me an idiot and failure.

    I know same old story we all live right? Im on meds… Now what?? Buy this book! Buy that book! You need to get organized! UM DUH! Im just so frustrated and angry right now! I dont know where to turn to next!! Ive asked my doctor if there is anything here for adult ADD and there isnt. Only support groups for kids. Well what about their parents?? Im sure they got it from somewhere! Im just so sick of this all. How can I balance trying to fix myself and keep up with life at the same time??

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    #103461
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    Curlymoe115
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    Post count: 206

    Carrie breathe. You are not alone. I just don’t invite people over. For the Easter Egg hunt just try to do better next year. Take Should Have and Would Have out of your vocabulary. And another book for a disorganized person is just one more item to have piled in the mess.

    For kindergarten child you need to put all the items in the backpack. As he is now a big person he can be responsible for that. If the teacher said to make sure he had extra runners and they can’t be kept in class you can make sure he finds these and starts to keep them packed and ready to go. Then you are at least trying to train the kids to not follow in your footsteps. And a kindergarten child can help supervise the picking up at the end of playtime. They love to be the boss of the younger ones and this is a natural inclination to be the teacher. Use it to your advantage. Maybe DH can be responsible for reading the school newsletter and relaying the important parts to you. Or ask that you only get the news about the kindergarten class and forget what is going on in every other class. Then any important announcements are there. As for homework, I found that the best time to do this was immediately following school when they are still in work mode. So sit this child down for the 10 minutes or so and get him to complete whatever they sent home. This is good practice for later. If they are at a sitter after school even better. Then you can designate someone else to make sure work is completed and in the backpack for the next day. A communication book is also a good solution to keep you in touch with what is going on at school. The teacher fills in a note and you reply if needed. They can also give you a list of things that the child needs and then you can send them to fill up the pack when you get home.

    As for everything else that is overwhelming you, stop. Breathe. Then pick one thing everyday and just see what you can accomplish. It doesn’t have to be for an extended period of time. Just the first thing that catches your attention. And then get the kids in the act so that they know that they are not mess making ornaments. I know tasks are easier without them but it is important for them to know that when there is a mess they are part of the solution. 8)

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    #103462
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    nellie
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    Post count: 596

    Good advice Curlymoe! Especially the Breathe part :-)

    Carrie you are where I was when my kids were little, only I had no idea about the ADD so you are way ahead of the game and things will get better!

    Just wanted to add the following in terms of time management because it seems like your life is very hectic. I’m still working on becoming as efficient as I would like but have found the following is really starting to work for me :

    1. I recently found that if I look at things more visually when planning my day or week it goes a lot better, so started to use one of those planners that have the time set out in 15 minute increments and is in a week at a glance format.

    Draw a square to represent the time range of your task or appointment. In other words, if you have an appointment at 2 PM, don’t just write it next to the spot for 2 PM – outline a square to represent the amount of time it will take, say from 2-3 PM. This will give you a much better graphic representation of how much time you really have for the day.

    If I don’t plan out the day very precisely it all goes to pot. That means from time to get up, leave the house, when to take out the garbage, cook dinner, go to bed, whatever.

    Planning in driving and waiting times really puts things into perspective as does planning backwards: have to get there at 3, means leave by 2, start getting ready at 1:30 ( get dressed, lock up dogs, gather up required materials), stop my previous work by 1:20, etc. etc. Suddenly that 3 Pm appointment doesn’t seem to far into the day and I realize I have lots less time to do other stuff than I thought.

    The planner also has squares on the side for notes etc. I use this to plan ahead with tasks I know I have to do in the week coming up but haven’t had time to schedule yet or are flexible and can fit around more urgent things, or may depend on someone else’s schedule.

    2. Schedule tasks for a specific time, don’t just make a to do list. This way you are committed to getting them done and they don’t end up as a wish list.

    3. Set aside a time to review your agenda. I do it the night before to make sure I don’t forget I have an appointment and to get me in the right mindset for the next morning. On the weekend I plan ahead for the coming week. In addition, I have an alarm set on my computer and phone to remind me to check my agenda at 9 AM and Noon ever day to keep me on track.

    4. If you have a huge problem area in your house – say the basement or guest room from hell – make it a project. Plan out exactly what needs to be done, estimate how long it will take, add in 20-50% error factor, then decide when you will do it. If it’s a huge project you’ll probably have to schedule in a few hours at a time over a period of weeks or months.

    Don’t get discouraged, the first time I really tried this I underestimated and the whole thing took double the time. But it got done in a matter of 10 days and was something I’d procrastinated on for 15 years.

    Anyway hope the above helps,

    According to my schedule it’s past my bedtime :-)

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    #103463
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    Carrie
    Member
    Post count: 529

    *Takes a deep breath*

    You are right thank you! I will try out your suggestions! I was just so stressed out (plus PMS) AND my meds had run out! I couldn’t stop crying. I had my husband worried hahaha But I am okay now! New day! I am going to take it all slow and try and work on one thing at a time!

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    #103464
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    Robbo
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    Post count: 929

    Hi Carrie,

    Hey good job talking about all the stuff bothering you. I don’t know why but stress, and especially trying to remember something makes me hold my breath, sometimes a little, sometimes a lot. So that’s why the deep breaths help so much. I hope you find the time to focus on the easy solutions that are here. Maybe write down a few of the simple ones that work fast for the urgent stuff.

    I’ve been a single parent, it wasn’t easy. I grew into it. It got easier. We get stronger and we learn how to handle all the extra stuff as it comes. Two kids are great. They can keep each other entertained while you catch up on the rest of the stuff you gotta get done.

    Good luck, people are rooten for ya.

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    #103465
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    Robbo
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    Post count: 929

    Thanks for the list of great ideas nellie, fortunately I just remembered to copy n paste it for my “ADHDC” solutions folder. The C is for character. Cuz that’s what most of us are, A real character! pretty soon I’ll have more character. probly. hmmm, I dunno

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    #103466
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    Robbo
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    Post count: 929

    Wow!

    I can’t remember a faster 7 months in my entire 47 year life… I’m like… (huh? what just happened???? where am !??? someone pinch me!!!) hehe.

    “hmmm. hey self, are we awake?, yep, just relax man, n go back to sleep, oh… I mean, ummm, hmm. I need to check with I before we can give you a solid answer ukay?, ukay self. All be waiten n prayen, okay man, just stay right there, ROBERT!,

    put

    the

    remote

    down!”

    6-2-12

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    #120475
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    ERmomof4
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    Post count: 1

    Carrie, your post is me every holiday/party/big event…OK, almost every day! I have four kids, and how do I not screw them up? I have no idea. I feel the same way, with school and their success. How can we teach the kids what we don’t have a hold of ourselves? I have missed school due dates and I even missed a preschool graduation years ago! The worst was this past January, I forgot to bring in class treats for my 11 year old daughter’s birthday!!! I felt awful, still do. I just can’t get passed it. These poor kids are suffering because of me. They really deserve a more put-together mom. Sometimes I am great, mom of the year, and sometimes I fail – big time. I can’t even tell you how many times the tooth fairy came a night or two late… and my poor husband…I too am drowning, what did you do to keep afloat?

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    #120478
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    allan wallace
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    Post count: 478

    Ah Carrie!

    If only I lived nearby I’d rush around and help you clean up! I’d insist that you took all of the credit, but I’d secretly pat myself on the back for helping somebody out of a jam. It’s easy helping other people slay their dragons, eh? That way I can avoid wrestling with the legion of dragons that prevent me from fighting my own battles…

    You’re a sweetie, and you’re amazing. I always enjoy reading your posts, their quirkiness, their uniqueness, and your bold refreshing candour always encourages me, and maketh me smile! You are awesome you little star! Drowning you say, eh? Nah, you’re just on a unicorn that sometimes forgets how to swim…*KISS*…

    If you ever need an essay on ‘drowned’ then give me a prod with a cyber stick…I’ve been scuttling amongst the seaweed down here for so long that I breathe through gills and not lungs…. 🙂

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    #120490
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    kc5jck
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    Post count: 846

    Tooth fairy problems?  When that first tooth comes out, leave the tooth along with a bottle of Elmer’s glue and a note informing Little Snaggle that with the economy today, the fairies can no longer offer monetary compensation.  Include instructions for gluing the tooth back in place and a caveat to save the bottle for future use as sequestration has limited fairy visits to one per child . . . ever.

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    #120791
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    Carrie
    Member
    Post count: 529

    @allan 😛 danke danke Your fun!

    @Kc HELLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! You always have great ideas there, good sir! xD

    @ERmomof4 – Sorry it took me so long to get back to you! How did I stay afloat? Well I will give you an update! My kids just finished grade one and two (time flies – thank goodness for this at times!).

    ***sorry long post***

    Medication – My ADD meds help that “destructive itch” I call it. They stabilize my hyper ups and downs. They help me remember what im doing and why. They also stop me from starting arguments with my husband for fun. I also am on antidepressants. They saved me! PMS was a really bad problem. During this time I became a ticking time bomb. From being incredibly angry and verbal abusive to my husband to feeling like I did in this post and wanting to die because I felt like such a monster out of control. I dont have that anymore because of my antidepressants. A HUGE difference! With my emotions out of the way I could focus! This is why I dont have these emotional posts anymore. I can handle it. I can make sense of things!

    School – I have taught my kids to get ready the night before. They must make their own lunches and then I approve them. Just a quick check. They choose their clothes for the next day, once again I must see them first. That solves that. I didnt like having to tell them every five minutes what they had to do next, so I made them a list with cute pictures to follow in order. Since they are still young they love it. I told them once the list is done they can do as they please.

    After school I get them to empty their back packs and anything important (forms etc) I need to see put right on the kitchen table so I can remember it. Out of sight, out of mind. When events are coming up, I put it on my calendar (I would die without it) and put the form on my fridge (if I have to get things ready for a swim day etc). I also set myself an alarm on my cell phone to remind me. I let them know that I am forgetful, so if they dont tell me it wont happen. I tell them to remind me. Kids dont forget the things they are excited for. I use that for my advantage. I swear the teachers must roll their eyes at me because I still tend to get the forms in on the day they are due, or forget to pack some things the kids need, but they are aware I have ADD, they may not understand it fully, but I know im doing better.

    Holidays – Ive actually been doing well. Before an event I have a family member come over to help me clean and organize. My sister is a great organizer and cleaner, she knows I have ADD and understands struggle. My grandmother also loves to help, though she always says “Carrie-Ann! What am I going to do with you!” I tell her ahead of time “You can help as long as you dont lecture or scream in fear at the laundry pile in my room!” Shes been good about it. Ive been doing better because of it. I told my family I need help and dont know how to organize. They have helped me. Also, I try to arrange for others to pitch in. Like potluck. Relieves some of the load.

    Husband – He too has learned about ADD and has seen the difference my medication has made. In fact he will refuse to put up with me if I dont take them. Only once a month I dont think I need them, but of course thats when I need them the most so he will get them for me hahahaha I never showed him my true feelings or emotions. How I felt like a monster… one day I did break down and cried in front of him telling him how I hated myself. He then realized I wasnt a heartless b-otch, I really did care. I explained I had a hard time dealing with my emotions. He is a great guy and together we learned about ADD and how it effects me.

    PMS was my biggest problem. Also, when im hungry I get VERY VERY snippy. When I start to get snippy its not the first thing anyone asks me “are you hungry?”. My husband has started bringing snacks for me hahahahaha But he now knows im not mad at him or the kids, im just hungry, or just overwhelmed. He helps me a lot. But I have to go to him, hes not a mind reader… I could drop a subtle hint and my sister would pick it up, him, nope. Must be a man thing hahahahaha I take him aside and tell him like it is. Tell him how im struggling and that I need help with something. That was hard for me to do since Ive never shown emotion to anyone, I am the tough one! Love is for sissys! hahahaha

    Meds have really calmed me down. No longer in the emotional fog. Im not as hard on myself either knowing I have ADD. I cant help but be a little unorganized. Its not an excuse, but reality.

    Of course all the lovely people here who offered support when I had break downs. Was VERY VERY helpful to just vent! They all make me smile and feel better!

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    #120801
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    kc5jck
    Participant
    Post count: 846

    Carrie – My suggestion to your husband is to get one of those dart guns that they use on lions and tigers to shoot tranquilizers into them.  Load the darts with your ADHD meds, and the next time you refuse/forget your meds, take aim and fire.

    Good to hear from you.

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    #120803
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    Scattybird
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    Post count: 1096

    Hey Carrie – good to hear from you again – thanks for the great update. Keep on smiling. 🙂

     

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    #120805
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    allan wallace
    Member
    Post count: 478

    Carrie!!!!! You star you! Great to read of you bouncing back like a, um, sunbeam! That’s it poison your big clump of a husband and fly me over with the insurance!!!! 🙂 xo

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    #120809
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    Patte Rosebank
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    Post count: 1517

    @Carrie, you have just demonstrated why some people refer to ADDers as “Weebles” (after the popular little egg-shaped toys from the 1970s).

    Because the slogan was, “Weebles wobble, but they don’t fall down”.  Which is pretty much what we ADDers do.  Eventually.

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