April 14, 2018 at 7:06 am #129123
jensters1205ParticipantApril 14, 2018 at 7:06 amPost count: 15
Recently I was written up for having created ” an unpleasant work environment for teammates “. In my 30 year career (16 years at one place, 14 here) I have only been written up 3 times (now). Both others were for….wait for it…tardiness.
So recently I was given an assessment stating I needed to work on
1. Completeting tasks and doing 1 project at a time.
2. Daily prioritization of tasks to accomplish.
3. Be more receptive to constructive criticism and improve attitude.
4. improve communication providing clear directions in a positive way.
I had to create action plan and meet monthly with supervisor for review and assessment. During those interactions I was told “still need to see more progress but have seen improvement”.
Given that I was recently written up, my positive interpretation of “still more to do but showing improvement” was wrong.
I work in grocery as a manager and am often pulled in several directions at a time. Over the course of my management career I always felt my ADD has been an asset. I am able to shift quickly from one task to another eventually working back to accomplish my daily duties. It’s possible That to an organized individual my multitasking tendencies appear chaotic and scattered (they may be correct) but in my mind I am fixing mistakes others create or miss. Would it be better if the others didn’t make the mistakes? yes…however to date not one of my predecessors or superiors has found a way to train staff to fix what I find as throughout my time As i write orders…I multitask. Does anyone know how to teach a non-a.d.d. Individual how to observe all the details an a.d.d. Brain can see? If so, we need that book/class.
I multitask like a champ. I can’t deny that while doing so sometimes when I interact with others I am direct. I’ve come to learn that my directness is often perceived as curt, angry or aggressive. It can be said that from time to time my wording lacks clarity. I can’t deny that my brain and mouth sometimes aren’t in tune with one another and my verbiage is, at times, spoken QUICKLY. Sometimes Faster than a non-add or different add brain can understand. With that in mind I TRY to remember to ask if I made myself clear, in hind sight…given the write up, maybe I don’t ask often enough.
So here I am, an add manager, regular multitasker, hard worker and I guess a person missing the clues that I am making others uncomfortable. Truth be told I feel some of the “others” don’t respect my position. Yes respect should be earned but regarding specific situations it’s not a disrespect of me it is a disrespect of policy. That happened and I brought it up to my boss and he didn’t address the situation. Nor did he tell me to take the next disciplinary step or guide me through the next disciplinary step he simply said “say it this way” which I did. The policy is, to this day being violated by my subordinate, a manager. I don’t want to play the “because I am a woman” card but I am one and he is violating policy.
My subordinate was also given clear instructions about duties I allocated to him via email and he failed to follow through with those as well. Is telling him it’s your responsibility to keep these items ordered not clear enough? My boss got cc’ed the emails I sent him and did not tell me I was unclear or that I was not communicating in a positive manner.
I am debating bringing my ADD up for consideration under ADA at work but I don’t even know what accommodations would even need to be given at this time. Honestly I feel as though I am in a hostile work environment. I am a gen x’er…and no disrespect intended, we generally don’t say things like that(in my experience).
I wrote this mostly to vent/share my experience but any thoughts, ideas, methods as to how to have directness not be perceived as anger would be welcome. By the way I do KNOW HOW TO SPEAK to others. Many employees who work with me appear to enjoy my presence and management style and find me approachable. That said clearly there are those who don’t.
If you had the patience to glance over this and get the gist I welcome your feedback.
April 14, 2018 at 3:37 pm #129151
- This topic was modified 1 week, 5 days ago by jensters1205.
That Guy with ADHDParticipantApril 14, 2018 at 3:37 pmPost count: 126
I was once given a coffee mug with the words “Caution. Be sure brain is in gear before engaging mouth”. I tended to shoot from the hip and, for the most part, I still do. I am lucky that most of the time I make sense and that my peers appreciate my input. I am trained as a process analyst and although I am not currently working as one I can speak to broken processes with some conviction. I have found that some people are not prepared for my quick and concise responses and take them as a personal critisism rather than the educational material they are intended to be. I multitask as well but I find that I get sidetracked and can’t get back to previous tasks well. I haven’t found anything that I can do to track my open tasks. I admire your ability to switch between tasks like you do. As far as bringing up your ADHD I don’t think people understand the condition other than the hyperactivity and attention deficite parts which, as we all know, is hardly the complete view of what is going on especially as an adult.
AKA That Guy with ADHDApril 15, 2018 at 5:12 am #129172
harry1ParticipantApril 15, 2018 at 5:12 amPost count: 32
What is “true” and what is “truth” are two different things.REPORT ABUSE
What is “true” is facts. Cold, hard, real.
What is “truth” is perception of those facts. Perception takes into account prejudice, pride, interruption, color-blindness, allergies, and anything else that can POSSIBLY affect the judgement of any individual or any group of individuals of any size.
What you actually do has very little to do with how many might see you.
I have friends who tell me I’m the salt of the earth, but I feel like a failure a lot of times, even though I can figure for myself that I actually DO do people good as much as I can, and sometimes I actually get it right and someone gets some good out of it.
I also have a few that, no matter what I do, will think that I am the orifice that is the black hole at the center of the universe. Not necessarily because of something I’ve done, but maybe what they -thought- they saw coupled with a half memory of something they heard about something similar, but unconnected, and I’m too busy to check for sure, but I’d rather be safe than sorry, so I’ll badmouth this gal so I don’t look like a sucker if She turns out to be bad . Oh: by the way, her name is Theresa, she’s a nun or something…
The book says Judge not that ye be not judged. I’m 67, and I try like hell not to, but it’s a bad habit to break.
Management is high stress in general, and anyone can be a scapegoat, because politics is at least half of what makes it go. How many politicians do you know that are straight forward?
By the way, politics is ALL perception. Tell someone to go to hell and leave them looking forward to the trip. There is no room for what’s “true”.
Chronic pain can cause your patience to shorten also, and mental pain can be as bad as physical. A very good friend once told me, “When it hurts bad enough, you’ll leave.” She was talking about relationships. I was talking about suicide. Apparently, my God has given me just enough toughness in the face of pain. I’m still here.
It’s not really a nice thing to say to anyone, but, if it comes to leaving or hurting, weigh your choices carefully. You could be the best manager they ever have, or, you could be the sucker getting played. You are the only one who can make the call for you.
Best of luck with it all.April 16, 2018 at 2:56 am #129228
That Guy with ADHDParticipantApril 16, 2018 at 2:56 amPost count: 126
I believe you are absolutely right my friend. Truth is like a magic trick. A simple turn of the hand and out pops a bouquet of flowers instead of the skunk you’ve been smelling. Your perception can and is manipulated in politics, justice, retail sales, and many other cornerstones of a “free market democracy”. It’s also what makes cognative behavioural therapy work. A change of perception can do us a world of good.REPORT ABUSEApril 16, 2018 at 1:53 pm #129256
janinecodyParticipantApril 16, 2018 at 1:53 pmPost count: 3
When I first saw this post, I had to make sure I hadn’t written it. Before I say anything more, here’s my advice on work: I would NOT give a short course on the ADHD difference at work with any expectation that coworkers/supervisors will understand, accomodate, and perhaps even appreciate the wonder of ADHD:)
ITRIED-BIG MISTAKE… OVERALL. I came off as looking for sympathy, an excuse, or a liar in some cases. ADHD is not widely understood or even seen as real – we know this.
You may want to share your diagnosis and register it with HR. Request that HR brief your supervisor on any supports available/required. Even sharing with a trusted friend/co-worker can be a bad move, but it helps if s/he has an ADHD child and know the condition-and that it’s REAL.
As a woman in my 50s I’ve had very very similar experience working with colleagues, teams, and other collaborative groups. I’m in education. I’m considered insubordinate, overbearing, and difficult to work with-not a team player. I’m too direct, unreliable with deadlines, and go off on my own direction with team projects. I say things at work, and elsewhere, that others find abrasive, or inappropriate. And i talk too much in meetings.
There have been lots of job changes lately – non-renewed contracts, and a few awful, even tearful, review meetings. On the outside, I’ve been blindly defiant and even proud of my risk-taker, divergent thinker, temperament. I’m like my dad; he never worked for anyone!
But really, it was a blow to my professional confidence, pride, and self-esteem. I felt very rejected. But chin up -the bottom line for me seemed to be that I too was not designed to work FOR anyone. I AM insubordinate; I DON’T work the way others do. My style is nonlinear – I jump into the middle of a project and notice things others haven’t (but may get to later and see i was right). I see and cannot let a flaw go or resist stating things with certainty. That comes off poorly, sure, but if you dont want honestly, Im not your girl. All this bluster was before my diagnosis,,,
And Then: As I was seeking treatment for my teen-aged daughter (who Id always suspected had adhd), I ended up with my own diagnosis at 56! I had been “treated” for depression for 25 years and a bi-polar diagnosis was also bandied about two years ago.
I’m a researcher, so for weeks I hyper-focused (my new favorite word) on learning EVERYTHING about ADHD behavior and biology. And I realized just how like my dad i was. He never worked for anyone-because he couldn’t. That’s a white male diving board into entrepreneurship – if you’ve got the smarts. But for me, it was career and self-esteem killing.
As soon as I started treatment, I began to realize WHY i behaved as I did all through my life, and how it confused and affected others. I stopped trying to champion my behavior and started trying to figure out how to manage and channel it for everyone’s benefit.
I had to realize that multi-tasking is not a strengh for anyone. Research shows this. It can be useful in certain contexts (I was a classromm teacher for 12 years) But no one does their best work this way- including us. I tried to work on that and procrastination first- focus on one thing at a time, the thing that has highest importance, start it, finishing it, and let it go. When I finally get this to work, I’m sure that others will appreciate it. Today, this forum and post took over most of my morning work. I don’t even remember why I’m here… Canadian opt-in email -yep.
There’s a new part of my thought process that includes a tiny pause. It just showed up the day I started with medication, thank you. I’m trying to use this to check my reactions and language before I say/do anything impulsively. That split second allows me to self monitor and consider consequences to others instead of “shooting from the hip” like Calamity Jane. I learned that this stuff is called self-monitoring and regulation. Astounded that nuero-typical people do it ALL THE TIME. No more editing – I have to get to work.
So, what I’m saying is, if you’re not treating the disorder with medication AND counseling try it. Pills don’t build skills, as we know, but they let us start. Revealing and educating a colleague about my problem with pragmatic speech did not keep her from being annoyed by it. Others I shared with interpreted it as an excuse, not an explanation or justification, and not something that was their responsibility to accommodate. It didn’t make up for or erase the trouble I’d caused them.
Instead, I’m trying to use my ADHD brain for good 🙂 If I can focus on one thing to completion I know that others will actually appreciate that. If I can manage my impulsivity I know that I’m kinder and more patient even if they don’t know why. That’s enough.
Finally, I don’t see my ADHD has a disorder, but as a different operating system. We own it and need to be cognizant of the difference when working with others. It’s our responsibility. I’ve been behaving this way all of my life, 55 years. I’ve only been treated for two months. I’m going to be a little nicer to myself, and give it some time.
Let me know how are you doing.
April 18, 2018 at 1:57 am #129305
- This reply was modified 1 week, 2 days ago by janinecody.
- This reply was modified 1 week, 2 days ago by janinecody.
harry1ParticipantApril 18, 2018 at 1:57 amPost count: 32
Something in your last paragraph:
It may be my responsibility to be a good, cognizant person for MY sake, but I don’t owe a thing to self-righteous blowhards that think they have some “superiority” card to play. To them my behavior may seem aberrant. But since everyone is supposed to be truly equal these days, then I would say that anything I am BORN with is exactly as valid as anything they were born with.
In other words, that person cannot say “abnormal” to me.
I should be able to demand that they act like me just as much as they demand I act like them. Anything else is nothing more or less than hypocrisy.
Harry1April 18, 2018 at 4:25 am #129319
janinecodyParticipantApril 18, 2018 at 4:25 amPost count: 3
I understand your point. There’s no reason to be considerate to a bigot. But now that I understand my behavior and can see how and why it was frustrating to others AND to me, I want to interact productively and for the first in my life, I think I might be able to. It’s a good thing. We aren’t abnormal; it’s more like being a lefty in a righty world. I hope that I can learn to work better with people who are neurotypical because the work we do is important to me.And I can also get into my own flow. It’s a choice I’m happy to finally have.
I hope that no one actually refers to you as abnormal.REPORT ABUSE
JApril 18, 2018 at 5:15 am #129340
That Guy with ADHDParticipantApril 18, 2018 at 5:15 amPost count: 126
I like what you have to say. Especially the last part. We are different, not defective. But we have to live in this neurotypical world and that can be a challenge regardless of the difference in our brains. If I can’t bend the world to suit me I have to bend to suit it. Medication helps with that. I’m in the wrong profession but as a 53 year old who was only diagnosed last year it’s too late for me to change careers. My inability to keep my mind from peeling off in a new direction at the drop of a hat is not something that helps a business analyst with his work. My previous career as a repair technician, on the other hand, benefitted from the quick changes in work and the lightning fast ability to see the big picture and devise a solution. I often regret the decision to advance my position and move from the field into the office. While the pay is much better I have to expend an enormous amount of effort with my ADHD brain in order to achieve even the most normal functions. And I still end up making silly mistakes that makes me look less than normal.
I’d like to be able to pick up Harry1’s enthusiasm and march up and down the aisles declaring my ADHD status and waving a big banner that says “I’m Me, and I have ADHD” but, as you mentioned, most people don’t understand it or don’t believe that it’s real at all. I know that I have strengths and that they may not be appreciated by everyone but the majority of people around me who know me can overlook my quirks because they know that I am a good hard working person who really cares about the work that he does, the people that he loves, and the person that he is.
AKA That Guy with ADHDApril 19, 2018 at 6:08 am #129494
harry1ParticipantApril 19, 2018 at 6:08 amPost count: 32
Janinecody and Richard,
I think the scenario from Young Frankenstein went “Abby, Abby, Abby somebody.” “ABNORMAL?!” “That’s him, d’you know’m?”
I can understand if a person is aware of internal energies that THey want to alter. If their teacher, classmate,coworker,etc wants them to change, they should say shove off.REPORT ABUSE
To be honest, I may be a little paranoid about meds. I have survived without, and I would not at all want to become in any way dependent on them.
Having said that, I posted somewhere else that when I tried mushrooms when I was young, a side affect to the high, was I noticed that my body relaxed to the point I could fall through a sieve.
If you could isolate that, you’d sleep like a baby.
I should ask; again, being new: is it OK to ask about really whacked out theories ,drugs, little “I wonder if…” things, on a site like this?
I truly do not want to offend anyone, but I have no clue what “pc” is in this realm, or if it exists here.
There is SOOO much that I want to ask about now that I know I don’t have an “insane label” waiting for me.
But: they do say I have ”An insaneable right to the persuit of happiness” , right?
Harry1April 19, 2018 at 7:05 am #129501
harry1ParticipantApril 19, 2018 at 7:05 amPost count: 32
Richard, I will also throw in that my friends are my family. Not many, but very close.
I forever owe them for helping me to see and understand that those efforts that I made for years that I thought were wasted because of our natural tendency to put ourselves down actually did achieve good things, and were worthy of respect.
And worthy of self respect. That’s huge!
Richard: Respect Yourself. Simply that. If you won’t blow your own horn, no one will. If you do, your friends will come to stand at your back.
I have the love of people who owe me nothing. Those things you can’t buy…
As for work relief, I tried selling insurance once. Suits! Ties! Shiny shoes! Aauughgh!!!
I took up small engine repair as a hobby. A few bucks, and you turn a broken one into something good for a neighbor. And you get greasy and dirty. Be a kid and have fun stuff.
And if one doesn’t wanna give in; at some point, you push it out in the driveway, pick up your eight pound sledge hammer, and beat that silly bastard til it’s a tin potatoe chip. Maybe you’re out ten bucks. Worth it. Great therapy.
April 21, 2018 at 5:21 pm #129571
- This reply was modified 6 days, 23 hours ago by harry1.
harry1ParticipantApril 21, 2018 at 5:21 pmPost count: 32
I truly hope I have not been offensive with what I write.REPORT ABUSE
I NEVER want to have someone set back by my mindless ranting.
Harry1April 22, 2018 at 1:41 am #129585
janinecodyParticipantApril 22, 2018 at 1:41 amPost count: 3
It’s having to comply with the organization of most of the world that is an issue. Finding something that fascinates and holds your focus and attention authentically, like the engine repair is perfect for someone who wants to let their brain 2.0 do what it does naturally. I’m in a field that I love but do (or have had to) work for and with others who work differently and in a system that is also geared for the other 80% of the world – Well, more like for the wealthiest and most influential of that 80%. I can’t stop working in a field I love, but with or without medication I don’t fit – especially after building the habits I have for half a century. I may however, start to do consulting, so that I have a bit more freedom to do things how I do, and select my clients.
10% of the world is left-handed. When they go out in that world they have to manage – unless they get that one pair of scissors that disappear altogether after elementary school.
We are 15-20% of the population, still not enough to demand that we be accommodated in what already is build to other’s specs. But we CAN build or own systems that suit us, or better have universal access. That’s my ultimate goal, if I have enough time and energy left: School Design – because I think a school in which an adhd child would thrive is a school neuro typical children might thrive as well. Still doing the research.REPORT ABUSEApril 22, 2018 at 6:42 am #129592
harry1ParticipantApril 22, 2018 at 6:42 amPost count: 32
Yes’m. The insurance field just felt wrong, so weekends in my little pigsty was actually nice.
Not knowing your location, and therefor your government model, I’ll ask how hard is it to get a teaching certificate where you live? Sounds a lot like you might like to give teaching a whirl. Your experience HAS to be worth something!
The idea of a school geared to the add/adhd would be a dream come true for a whole lotta people. Get your certs and then put a motion in front of the legislature.
Even if they don’t pass it, it would get a few of them thinking about it.
“Systems that suit us.” Could get everything from spooky to heretical, to “Hal” in 2001.REPORT ABUSE
Seems to me, the best candidate for a brain/computer interface would be add or adhd.
But that would open a can of serious butt-kicking worms.
About every religion in the world, and a whole bunch of ethical groups would be highly offended.
I’m also sure that with the proliferation of tech in the world today, there’s already somebody working on it.
Not that I’m any kind of cynical suspicious bastard once in a while…April 22, 2018 at 7:32 am #129599
harry1ParticipantApril 22, 2018 at 7:32 amPost count: 32
I’m remembering a school situation…REPORT ABUSE
In 1964, I was in the seventh grade. I was 13. I went to a new school that year, and wound up leaving before the year was over when we moved yet again.
We had a vice principle whom I never saw smile.
Not once. He had this stern frown every time I saw him.
There was a row between a couple of boys one day, and a crowd was gathered, and here comes mr Brown, paddle in hand, to “ straighten out” these boys.
He chewed on everyone, and finished his remarks with :”You boys have to realize you’re becoming adults before long.”
Aanndd…my add seventh grade mouth opened all by itself and wiggled.
What fell out as I looked him in the eye, was “If I have to frown like you do all the time, I hope I never get there.”
And I walked away. But, as I did, my seventh grade eyes saw something on his face that I had never seen before. He looked like he had been what I think they call these days; bitch-slapped.
He never said anything about it, and we moved away soon after.
I’ve wondered at times, what he thought about what he heard from a kid.
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