Any others with ADD find it impossible to hold a "grudge"?

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Any others with ADD find it impossible to hold a "grudge"? 2011-03-20T07:01:15+00:00

The Forums Forums Most X-treme! Is It Just Me? Any others with ADD find it impossible to hold a "grudge"?

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  • #89334
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    Anonymous
    Post count: 14412

    I find that even if I get in a fight or was treated poorly by a friend or someone I just met. The very next day it doesn’t really seem to matter or I forget the details and they go back to being my friend. The other person might still be mad for a long time which never makes sense to me since it just washes over me so fast. Like life is too short to hold onto disagreements.

    Anyone else here that also can never stay mad at someone long?

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    #102327
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    Anonymous
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    When I’m on medication, yes, when I’m not, I can hold a grudge until the end of time. On medication, I’m more likely to let it go. I like that me better.

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    #102328
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    Anonymous
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    I can’t stay mad for long. There aren’t that many people I hold bad feelings towards at all. The few that I do it was pretty major stuff.

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    #102329
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    Hans
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    Post count: 51

    ScottF

    I also don’t hold a grudge. Although being impulsive my body signals/vocal outburst are quite strong and often missinterpreted.

    I am also a empath –I do not like anyone who gets pleasure out of hurting defenseless people or pester/torture animals . I have problems being around them. This is long term and does not change with time..

    My girlfriends daughter dated a guy who loved the sceen from a movie where a bird was put in a blender and it was turned on.

    He also loved to pester their small Maltese. I explained my feelings to the daughter and girlfriend It just wasn’t “That I just dind’t like him”. After several months the daughter ended their relationship. The best compliment the daughter gave me was “I now understand what you were trying to say”

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    #102330
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    Anonymous
    Post count: 14412

    I am also a empath –I do not like anyone who gets pleasure out of hurting defenseless people or pester/torture animals . I have problems being around them. This is long term and does not change with time..

    I am the same way–I have no tolerance for bullies. My friends and family are afraid that one day my big mouth will get me hurt, but I have no fear of anyone. I don’t know if this is good or bad, but so far, no one I’ve stood up to or told off for bullying someone else or a defenseless animal has reacted in any way other than to walk away. I’m not an imposing physical figure (at 5’2″ – haha!), but I think the look of rage in my eyes makes them think that I might be the psycho. I love that. :)

    I am empathic to the point where being around someone else who is in a bad mood can completely ruin my day. I remember a girl at church, who was kind of all over the place with her emotions. Looking back, I would guess she probably was either bi-polar or maybe had ADHD, I don’t know, but I never knew which one of her was going to show up, so I got to the point where I just tried to avoid her. I really thought for a long time that her negative energy was directed at me–even though it wasn’t (I was her little sister’s friend, so she and I really had nothing to do with each other).

    This quality, overall, is a good one to have, because it makes you a better friend. People who don’t open up to others about their problems are more likely to open up to someone taking the initiative and asking, “are you okay?” I’ve had people lay it all out there, and then tell me that they appreciated being able to talk to someone.

    I think that outweighs the negative. :)

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    #102331
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    Anonymous
    Post count: 14412

    Holding a grudge is like trying to stop peeing………….eventually it will all come out.

    I read this thinking “why would this even matter”. I have never been one to hold grudges I think they are toxic and just make every situation worse as it just prolongs the needed talk or you end the relationship on a bad note. It is important to be open and honest with every one if they cant handle it then it is there problem and if your friend or who ever keeps doing this then they really arent that good of friend.

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    #102332
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    Anonymous
    Post count: 14412

    But it’s all part of being able to let go and move forward, which is something that some of us have trouble doing sometimes. Some of it is also down to the person’s level of maturity and experience.

    But you’re absolutely spot on about it being toxic, and that’s why I now try to live like a dog–in the moment. :D

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    #102333
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    Anonymous
    Post count: 14412

    It’s actually annoying, but really helpful for me in the friendship and relationship department.

    I find that my anger with someone kind of disipates as time goes by, and usually by the next day I can’t remember why I was making such a big deal out of it in the first place. I don’t know if you have this as well, but I’m also very easily persuaded. If I’m mad at someone and they give me a reason not to be, I will stop. I don’t even know why.

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    #102334
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    Anonymous
    Post count: 14412

    Lol. Im the same way. Ive had so many fights, fight, verbal, throwing basketballs etc at eachother. you name it. The next day, Ill ask him if he wants to hang out. Its funny. Just how we get over things so easily.

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    #102335
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    Anonymous
    Post count: 14412

    LOL!!! This is the first time I’ve heard about other ADDers say they don’t or can’t hold a grudge. I can’t either UNLESS someone treated me really, really bad. Even then, I can still treat the person respectfully, but I will NEVER forget what they did. I think I read once that it’s because we (ADDers) usually can’t quite remember what a fight was about in the first place (those darn “brain glitches”). Those who really know me, figured this out a long time ago. They have more patience with me knowing that I can carry on a “lively”, spirited discussion that may sound like a fight, but then when the subject changes I “let it go” and move on.

    I can also separate behaviors like: (Now don’t get mad at me whatever your political party, I’m just giving an example) I can separate Pres. Clinton’s stupid sexual indiscretions (which I thought was REALLY stupid) with his ability to run the country (which I thought was pretty good). I can separate people’s intentions from their actual behavior. If I know they “MEANT” to do nice, I have much more patience.

    I, too, think of it like a “dog moment”. Cesar Milan (Dog Whisperer) is always talking about dogs just prefer to move forward… I like that way of thinking. We should be more like dogs, eh? :D

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    #102336
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    Anonymous
    Post count: 14412

    To put it simply, I blame myself. So I can remember every mistake I’ve ever made and hold it against me until the end of time. Not much room for anyone else in that scenario.

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    #102337
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    Anonymous
    Post count: 14412

    Not impossible — but it is pretty rare. Mostly I’m like “TheSameGuy” and either tend to blame myself, or I find I’m just too emotionally exhausted to stay angry. It’s hard enough to get through a day under normal circumstances!

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    #102338
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    Anonymous
    Post count: 14412

    I’m kinda weird about this one.

    On one hand, I’ll probably be the first one to let something go the next day, on the surface anyway, and never mention it again to that person.

    On the other hand, I sometimes feel like I can hold a grudge forever, but keep it to myself. And that anger is still down there, festering for years until I finally forget about it entirely. Problem is, thanks to my ADD, I rarely forget anything (which is another thread in and of itself).

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    #102339
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    Anonymous
    Post count: 14412

    New here, first visit. I’m quite surprised to find others here with the same take on this. Like many other topics, I thought everyone is like that—-like, what’s to think about, it’s done let’s go have lunch….then reality strikes and I’m shocked and hurt that others don’t see things that way. I get these little “heartaches” over what seems to be such a huge, insurmountable chasm. I cannot hold a grudge and am quick to put my hand out to others, but I also do not forget the hurt.

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    #102340
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    Evelyn
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    Post count: 164

    I had no idea that NOT holding a grudge was an ADD thing. I have a very hard time maintaining a grudge. I really have to work at it. I’ve only had three people in my whole life that really hurt me so bad that a grudge was warranted, well plenty that have hurt me, but the first one stole a car from me. I was too trusting I signed the title of the car over to him without a witness and he never gave me the money for it. I held the grudge for about 8 years. I finally forgave him, I couldn’t help it I had too, he was a friend of my sisters and though I didn’t see him often it was always a tense situation and I couldn’t handle the emotion that kept boiling up.

    The second one, a friend who was down on his luck and was sleeping in my truck ’til my Dad said he could have the spare room if he helped around the house. I helped convince him to let him stay, of course. So he repays us by stealing money from my father. My Dad had a small cloth covered breifcase that he put all his silver change in. It was so heavy I could bearly move it. Then one day, while cleaning, I went to move it and almost fell flat on my ___ because it didn’t weigh anything. I was livid. Over the course of about 6 months my Dad kept asking me if I trusted him. I would always answer yes. It didn’t even occure to me that my friend would do that. After my Dad passed away is when I realized that the breifcase was empty, then other things started to fall into place, like my Dad always sitting on his pouch-(the fanny pack he kept his wallet and important papers in) he kept it with him all the time. When it comes to mind I feel like such a ditz that I didn’t pick up on his clues. He must have lost some money out of it when he fell a sleep, which he did quite a bit toward the end there.

    The third one was mor recient, also a friend down on his luck who needed a place to stay, (You’d think I would learn my lesson) Any way he had a bit of a drinking problem (a lot of a bit) but I was in a tight spot, my mother had just passed away and I was trying to go to school for Physical Therapy Assistant, so I needed someone to stay with my step dad, who has Alzheimers, he cant be left alone for very long. To make a long story short; I woke up one morning in the wee hours to the sound of water falling on a bare floor, at first I thought it was my stepdad, cause he has problems like that. It turned out to be my friend, releaving himself in the computer room, not 4 inches from the computer tower. I asked him what he was doing (I could see his silhouette in the blue light of the router box, so I knew) But he blurted it out–I’m taking a p____! I said well clean it up when you are done, or something a little more colorful. Any way I actually wound up cleaning it up. I didn’t raise my voice to him for two days, and I refused to talk to him about the insident. If he went to the bar I locked the doors so he couldn’t get back in the house, but I did put a sleeping bag in the truck for him. Monday morning I went to cancel classes, and try to salvage as much of my tuition as I could, luckily it was early in the semester. My silence got to him he raised his voice to me in front of my step dad, the first time he had ever done that. I backed down because it was upsetting my stepdad, then I let him see us on friendly terms. Then just two nights later he got drunk again I had locked the doors at 2:30 but hadn’t gone to bed yet, I let him in not realizing how drunk he was, and he lit into me because I had fallen asleep on the couch with my step dad still up out of bed (another story) he raised his voice in front of my step dad, again– I saw a pattern forming, he expected to controle me through my concern for my step dad and his emotions. It did not work, I fired back, ready to take on the responsibility of damage controle when it was all over. I ended up throwing him out of the house, (big argument, things broken, cops were called) and I meant it, I only felt bad that it was September, turning cold, he had used up all his other friends, but, he is still out!

    I am not holding a full-on grudge with him, but he isn’t welcome here after dark.

    Grudges are very hard for me to maintain.

    Sorry about being so long winded.

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