A couple of stories …

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A couple of stories … 2018-01-09T01:31:52+00:00
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  • #128528

    adultaddlady
    Participant
    Post count: 4

    I’ve got two.

    First place:

    Funny (sort of) story. At the time, it just made me mad. In the book section of a grocery store, they had a book called “ADHD Does Not Exist.” Since I’ve been diagnosed with it myself and my (so far undiagnosed) teenaged son seems to have it too, I was curious about the book.

    At the checkout stand, the person ringing me up saw the title, and just had to provide me with her opinion as a little bonus. “I think that’s true. It doesn’t exist. Those parents that have kids like that, they’re just lazy and disorganized, and they want to drug their kids so people don’t blame them for their kids’ behavior when it’s really their fault.” She used her sister’s kids as an example. She was quite young, but I still asked her if she had kids herself. She said no, but she had seen enough of her sister’s kids’ problems to know all about it, apparently.

    Lord knows why she thought I was interested in her opinion. I was so humiliated and upset that I just paid for the book and didn’t say a word more, but I’ve never been back to that store.

    Second place (ironic, but not funny at all):

    When my son was still a preschooler, I read a lovely little book by a psychotherapist who had worked with ADD teenagers, called something like “It’s Not Your Fault”. Nearly the whole book was very encouraging. I thought it was full of wisdom about my son’s seeming inability to focus, and it included a lot of practical tips to help kids keep on track in school.

    Then, in the very last chapter, the good doctor decided to turn in a very different direction and armchair-analyze an acquaintance of his (if I remember correctly, his lab assistant). She was an adult woman with ADD symptoms, similar to that which he had observed in so many teenaged boys.

    His “diagnosis” of this woman? She “didn’t have ADHD”, because there was “no such thing in adults”. Instead, she was lazy, entitled, lacked discipline, and did not care about other people, and that — not ADHD — was why she was often late for appointments and had problems with personal organization. No tips, no advice, nothing other than something along the lines of “she needed to grow up and learn to be a real adult”.

    I am not ashamed to admit that I cried when I read that. If I remember correctly, I actually threw the book physically across the room, too. While I was reading it, I had been so encouraged by his ideas for teenagers that I was flirting with the idea of going to a psychiatrist myself for the first time in my life to discuss my ADHD and see if there was any way that I could get help.

    That book set me way back. In fact it was nearly a decade before I finally went to a doctor to talk about my problems, I was so afraid that I would just be told that because I was an adult (and a woman), I should know better, and, well, it WAS all my fault.

    • This topic was modified 6 months, 1 week ago by  adultaddlady. Reason: I corrected my son's age from "baby" to "preschooler" because I realized I read the book later than I thought
    • This topic was modified 6 months, 1 week ago by  adultaddlady.
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    #128531

    adultaddlady
    Participant
    Post count: 4

    Oh and all those years later, I finally had a diagnosis and got ADHD medicine, and turned into a different person overnight. I wish I could remember the author’s name so I could write him a letter and share a piece of my mind.

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    #128537

    That Guy with ADHD
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    Post count: 125

    Thankfully psychology has come a long way since that book was written. Yes everyone, adults can have ADHD! We’re not lazy, crazy, or stupid. In fact far from it. You still find ignorant people out there though. One YouTuber, upon hearing that Leonardo DaVinci is suspected of having ADHD, declared that if DaVinci had it then it is proof that ADHD isn’t a problem at all but a gift. He failed to mention that DaVinci didn’t make too many paintings in his life and in fact failed to finish some commissioned works which got him into trouble. If you look at his notes he clearly couldn’t stay focused on one topic long enough to finish a thought and had to came back to things again and again. Imagine what he could have accomplished if he could focus!

    I’m pleased to hear that you have found a dose of medication that works for you. I’m jealous of people who have had that AH HA moment when they discover the right treatment. It’s been over a year of trying and still no Eureka for me.

    Here’s to finding the right stuff!

    Cheers

    Richard

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    #128559

    addthatsme
    Participant
    Post count: 1

    Yes ADHD does not exist it persist’s, since i have started this awakening I have been assaulted with simplistic explanations and insightful overviews
    from family and friends ,My wife try’s to be understating , then she has a sideway look about her and beats about the head and neck.She is my cheerleader and she like most people will never understand ADHD. I do not want to make this world understand me,that would be odd.Me understanding me is odd enough.
    My ADD has made my life a living hell,at 56 years old and just starting treatment I am overwhelmed. I am a former drinker of vodka and beer. Since
    I started taking meds There is know compulsion to drink.Amazing, it has been one year. Some well meaning people have the most awful advice and strangest ideas, I do not judge these people ,I thought I was “normal” for a long time. To struggle with ADD is counter-intuitive to me ,I try to be a little zen like. (ADD and zen! oh my god! I can screw up anything.) .anyhoo, I go with the flow,even when its banging my head against the dock,after a while and after trying many things,the results start to look better , I love this forum and the people who write, I am happy to found my people.

    i

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    #128572

    That Guy with ADHD
    Participant
    Post count: 125

    Hello AddThatsMe and welcome,

    I was 53 when I first figured I was ADHD and I just received my official diagnosis last week. I am much like you in that I was (and still am to a great extent) overwhelmed by everything since I thought I might be ADHD. There are so many voices telling you This or That. When I’m overwhelmed by so many choices it seems my choice id “D – None of the above”. In general I am quite laid back as well but ADHD has made my relationship with my wife a struggle. It has been my first priority for years and I worry that I can’t improve my symptoms fast enough to hold on to her so going with the flow isn’t an option for me.

    I hope you find some wisdom throughout this forum.

    Best Regards

    Richard
    AKA That Guy with ADHD

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