45, ADD and totally in the wrong job, I feel suck and screwed

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45, ADD and totally in the wrong job, I feel suck and screwed 2010-12-13T20:35:27+00:00

The Forums Forums The Workplace Strategies for Work 45, ADD and totally in the wrong job, I feel suck and screwed

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Viewing 15 posts - 46 through 60 (of 63 total)
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  • #97815
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    Anonymous
    Post count: 14412

    @ Munchkin

    First of all, thanks for your reply. I’ve been alone in the dark for so many years. At least someone is listening to me.

    I have to make this short cuz I have to go back to work in 10 min.

    Well, reason I really want to complain about him is because I know very well about my skills comparing with others.

    Also I am fully aware of how other branches operates.

    Thank’s for the reminder about consequence. Think about this. I’ve been patient for 4 years!!! 4 years!!! I pushed myself to a point where I literally couldn’t be any better than that.

    I work at a top branch. I supposed it means something. I am not at the bottom of the barrel. I am actually belong to the top of the food chain!! Just my boss never stop telling me about my mistakes. No matter once a month, once every 3 months or once every year!! Do you understand how it feels when you can even forgive yourself for your error because you know that even with this flaw, you are still MUCH MUCH better than other average employees (Look, I fix stuff for other branches on a regular basis, plus 100 more things that I technically dont need to do if I am working at other branches..)

    @billd As a matter of fact, I don’t need any accomodation. This is the thing. Once I have a chance to work at other branch, I am 100% sure that I will not only shine, I will stand out from the crowd!! (in a good way). I am always the best anywhere I work except with this bully boss… This guy just don’t know when to stop…

    I’ve been thinking for 4 years, I will make sure that I plan everything out before I do so.

    Have a good one, need to get back to work.

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    #97816
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    Anonymous
    Post count: 14412

    I can’t believe that I repeat myself when I was rushing my last message…

    It’s not like I really want to complain about my manager. The entire team I work with is aware of how much of a bully he is. It is very risky if not impossible to actually get them altogether to act as we all need the paycheque to survive.

    TBH, I wonder if the labour board can actually help me with this. I am not trying to get him fired. I am trying to see if I can work at a different branch. Cuz I know that it is no longer my ADD issue that is causing my work performance. I am not asking to do less of what I supposed to be doing. I am trying to fight for my rights to do less of what I am NOT supposed to be doing at work so that I can make less error!! And most of all, I have no problem continue doing what I am doing as long as my boss don’t ever tell me that I make more mistakes than others. Which is something he cannot do.

    Only thing is, we all know that this is a risky move.

    What am I supposed to do? I know that I am very good at what I am doing. I want to stay withing this company. But I am only as good as how my boss think about me. AND I KNOW THAT IT IS SUICIDAL IF I CONTINUE WORKING IN SUCH CONDITION.

    The economy is so bad right now. I still need some stability from this company before I can take off. And I know that I am not ready to take the negative consequences if I complain about him. At the same time, I am not sure if I can still handle this guy mentally. Like, I may punch him in the face one day.. I am serious. I really really don’t want to go “postal”.

    Any suggestion?

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    #97817
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    Anonymous
    Post count: 14412

    It may be against the law for employers to hold your disability against you, but it is sometimes hard to prove that they are. It’s also sometimes hard to admit I need any accommodations. The method of promoting at my work is almost impossible to maneuver through for me. I’ve applied and made three “short lists” and gone to the interview three times and done pretty bad all three times. These are behavioral interviews where I am asked 3 part long questions that have 3 part long answers and I get lost in my answers and then get nervous and more lost and end up doing very poorly and not getting selected. Right now I am temporarily promoted to the next higher position for 2 months and I am doing very well at the job. I know and the supervisors know I can do the job, but there has to be an opening and I have to do exceedingly well on the interview to get the job. There will likely be an opening in the next couple of months and I’ll put in for it, but I’m very nervous about the interview tbh.

    Should I ask for an accommodation to get a promotion? Will it work if I do? Or should I just accept that I will never get that promotion because of this stupid process that I have to go through? Or will I do better at the interview now that I’m medicated? Who knows but I’m getting pretty frustrated because it’s obvious to everyone that I can do the job as I have been for the last month doing it.

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    #97818
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    Anonymous
    Post count: 14412

    i was diagnosed this summer. Not sure but it seems that in B.C. Canada, each department/ministry decides on its definition of

    Disabled, there is no single definition and none of the provincial or federal ministries mentions ADHD as regards disabilities.

    It looks as if I would have to have lost the use/function of one or more senses, and lost the ability to ‘function’ all to vague.

    I have lost count of the job/career changes over the past 4 decades. Most often, it is not my work that is a problem, it is my

    socail skills or lack thereof. Hyper ADHD traits … at root, I fail to ‘know’ how to interact at work. Feels as if I am in an alien

    environment much of the time, trying to guess how I am expected to act so co workers don’t get offended.

    Not altogether sure how many other issues I have, but there is a lot of anger, has always been, just no clue where from.

    And a lot of anxiety .. I go looking for stuff to worry about, fits Barclay’s ADHD information. Having to dig self out of hole it seems.

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    #97819
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    Anonymous
    Post count: 14412

    @Tea I am sorry to hear that we are sharing a similar problem related to our disability.  I am still searching for solution to my social related issue. 

    In my case, it seems that I can talk in a very professional manner within my area of expertise at work.  However, anything outside my comfort zone is very unpredictable.  I can be a funny person. But for the most part, I think many thinks that I am weird.

    At work, my solution is to be patient and focus on what’s important. I script and analyse all typed of confrontation while I am at home. I just try the best I can to memorize all that. I dont initiate any confrontation as I am not good at it. I use it when I am on defensive mode instead.  

    At least I was able to have a discussion with my boss about my disability everytime he mention about my mistakes.  Although he don’t listen.   At least he don’t see as a threat yet( He still thinks that he is in control, that I will not do anything about it).  But I know that I can use it against him if make a final decision and discuss about him to the head office.

    I will not stop looking for better options for my situation. At least I know that my employment at this company is not in danger yet.

    Does anyone know if members of this site can private mag each other?

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    #97820
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    Anonymous
    Post count: 14412

    Tea, i think your anger is from your frustration about not being able to express yourself in a way that others would understand. Your anger over a conversation( if apply) is because you are unable to react like normala people does. Anger is your instinct to show your dissatisfaction. I may be wrong though

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    #97821
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    Anonymous
    Post count: 14412

    Frustration is a large part of my problem, yes. And often I assume that others are hostile, with no evidence to support it, so

    Behavior Therapy may help if I can focus on it..

    Good luck with your manager, I usually had bad luck with bosses and co workers .. stranger in a strange land.

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    #97822
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    Anonymous
    Post count: 14412

    @Lanakila000 Whatever you do, make sure you spend a lot of time to research and ensure that you are covered from all direction before you pull any risky move. I will NOT do anything until I speak to the labour board in Toronto and a doctor. I will only make a move with writen support from any professional with authority to make suggestion to my employment situation. And personally, I don’t think anyone gives a damn about our disability. Most of them think that this is an excuse..

    I am not trying to encourage others to do what I am about to do. I spent many years to analyze my problem.

    It is always risky complaining about a boss. But I have invest all my energy for 10 years on what I am good at.

    So much that I’ve been single every since I started working in this industry. I know that I am an asset for what I do.

    All I need is an opportunity to prove myself, again.

    Every night, I usually have some sort of “deja vu” of everything I say to others during the day. And more than frequent, I find myself saying something dumb or nonsense to others. Below is my conclusion after years and years of blaming myself about my communication problem. I will put it in caps just to make it easier to read.

    1: EVERYONE IN THIS WORLD HAVE ISSUE. BUT WE NO LONGER HAVE AN ISSUE WHEN WE ARE IN A POSITION TO MAKE OTHERS ACCEPT US. (EG, MY F**KED UP BOSS WITH ANGER ISSUE. I DOUBT ANYONE WOULD ACCEPT HIM BEFORE HE BECAME A MANAGER)

    2: WE HAVE TRIED OUR BEST TO FIX OURSELVES. WE HAVE TO FORGIVE OURSELVES FOR OUR DISABILITY. IT IS DIFFICULT. BUT AT LEAST GIVE IT A TRY.

    3: NEVER STOP SEEKING FOR HELP. SOCIAL GROUP, DOCTOR, PSYCHOLOGIST. WHATEVER YOU CAN GRAB A HOLD OF, AND HOLD IT TIGHT.

    4: THIS IS THE MOST DIFFICULT OF ALL…. TRY TO RELAX. (marijuana is my solution after work).. ohwell..

    take care

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    #97823
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    Anonymous
    Post count: 14412

    ‘When should an individual with a disability request a reasonable accommodation?

    An individual with a disability may request a reasonable accommodation at any time during the application process or during the period of employment. The ADA does not preclude an employee with a disability from requesting a reasonable accommodation because s/he did not ask for one when applying for a job or after receiving a job offer. Rather, an individual with a disability should request a reasonable accommodation when s/he knows that there is a workplace barrier that is preventing him/her, due to a disability, from effectively competing for a position, performing a job, or gaining equal access to a benefit of employment.(23) As a practical matter, it may be in an employee’s interest to request a reasonable accommodation before performance suffers or conduct problems occur.’

    This is from the Americans with disabilities act and applies to my situation. I think if I do decide to ask for an accommodation on the basis of my disability. The part about competing for a position applies. I’ll think about whether I decide to request a reasonable accommodation or not. I might do much better with the medication and not need it. But, it’s a shame really that the method of promotion discriminates against someone with ADD.Also I should state that I am a federal employee.

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    #97824
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    Anonymous
    Post count: 14412

    Federal employee. You mean you work for the goverment and you are being discriminated?

    This is subjective, but I personally believe that no matter where you live, there is no justice at all.

    It all depends on the person who is in charge, how this person thinks and what this person can get away with.

    In my situation, I don’t think that I have failed anything at all. It is my boss who push it too far. Now that I am making plans to prove this point.

    You said that you failed the long question because you were feeling nervous. Did that affect how you think when you write your answer? Or did you have trouble expressing yourself both verbally AND in writing for your interview?

    If you have trouble with the verbal part, can you spend a ridiculous amount of time to research/study until you get to the point where you can literally write a book about it? This is how I get around with my communication issue. I know so much about what I do that close to nobody can provide answers to my quesiton. (I supposed that this is my IQ part).

    I am not sure what I should suggest if you have trouble writing as well. Can someone try to help him with this?

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    #97825
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    Anonymous
    Post count: 14412

    It’s a verbal interview with 3 people asking questions. They ask everyone interviewing the same questions so it’s not discrimination and in fact if I got promoted in a different way some of the others that apply might say they were discriminated against. The questions are similar to this; Give us a situation, your action, and the result when you’ve had to persuade someone to do something they don’t want to do. Now these are work situations and must come from work experiences, but explaining the details takes time and those interviewing me don’t necessarily do my job so I have to explain things in explicit detail. There will be 6 or 7 questions in a similar vein that require a lot of detail and explanation.

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    #97826
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    Anonymous
    Post count: 14412

    I think I understand now. Have you ever tried to ask if you can have a writen interview instead?

    You should at least give it a try

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    #97827
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    kc5jck
    Participant
    Post count: 846

    @sailing Here are some of my thoughts after reading of your situation. Not knowing your exact circumstances, they may or may not be feasable. I have seen some nasty office politics in the past.

    Don’t make this an issue about your boss, even though it is. Make it about the job you and the others are doing and what you need to be able to perform more efficiently and with less stress. As Munchkin points out, the sorry SOB has his own issues.

    You might first approach your boss about getting a manager. Point out that this would allow you and your coworkers to concentrate on the job for which you were hired, and the manager might be able to shoulder some of the load your boss is carrying, making his job easier. Offer to support your boss in such a proposal presented to his superiors. You might be able to come up with facts and statistics to supporting such a proposal. Make your boss feel like he will be the one to benefit. If nothing else, tell him that if he has a manager then he won’t have to deal with you anymore.

    If this approach does not work or is not feasable, then go to his, your boss’s, superiors. Upper management, if any good, is always interested in efficiency and profitability. Find a way to make it about that. You seem like a fairly bright employee. Often the best ideas of how to run a company come from the bottom levels, that is the employees who are actually doing the work on a day to day basis. If any good, they know their job and how to do it better.

    Well, I’ve got to go now, but I think you can get where I am going with this. Good Luck.

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    #97828
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    Anonymous
    Post count: 14412

    @kc5jck

    Actually this is not the first time I tried to change my work condition. I spoke to my boss before. The conversation only repeat itself over and over again. The conclusion was clear.

    The structure of this company is really my manager and his boss. Trust me, the only reason why I had a discussion with him over the years is because I am aware that his boss won’t care unless I have tried talking to my boss without any success. And I know very well that this guy wont listen anyway. I have prepared this for 4 years!!

    1: He is aware of my ADHD problem. He refuse to make ANY ADJUSTMENT for my condition. He forced me to try harder instead.

    2: I did try the very best that I can for 4 years. I am very confident that even WITH my mistakes, I do NOT have an issues with my performance. It was him who forces me to do a lot more work than what I supposed to be doing.

    3: This has been going for 4 years!! Why didn’t I find a different job? Because I belief that I am an asset to this company. Why do I have to leave because of him? I gave 4 years worth of patience. I tried to forgive him, ignore him, adjust myself FOR HIM. He simply don’t know when to stop.

    I don’t need to offer to support. He demands. This is the reason I have to do something about it. How can you measure my performance if there are no boundaries of what I supposed to be doing? Do I make more mistakes while doing my job or do I make more mistakes when I have less than 50% of my time to do my job ?

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    #97829
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    munchkin
    Member
    Post count: 285

    @sailing – Boy do I feel your pain! I left working at a print shop about 4 years ago when my husband’s company transferred him to a different city. I had been doing that kind of work my whole career, and didn’t know anything different. I decided to change careers because the pressure to do more and produce more while staff were being cut every year was literally killing me.

    By chance, I ended up getting a job at a non-profit, but I still ended up having jerks dump extra work on me, and I was afraid to say no – that had never been an option in printing. Finally I got a private coach who told me to politely say NO the next time each of the repeat offenders tried to push a project on me – she actually made me email her to let her know when I had followed through.

    Also on her advice, I met with my boss to go over my job description. I showed him where I was unable to get things done that were IN my job description due to doing things that WERE NOT in my job description. I was terrifed for quite awhile that I had let him down by not being “agreeable” to anything asked of me, but people actually ended up respecting me for it. They are grateful I’m doing my correct job duties and they can now rely on me for that.

    I think it has ended up OK – amazing! I was so sure the job was over for me – that I had mismanaged myself into a corner. I was looking for another job! I think part of the success was the fact that it’s a nonprofit, not a cold, hard, brutal manufacturing environment where product is put ahead of people… I’ve had to take a small pay cut to be here, but it’s worth it. I’m doing what I’m good at, and there is enough flexibility for a talented, but adhd person to survive. Good Luck!

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