45, ADD and totally in the wrong job, I feel suck and screwed

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45, ADD and totally in the wrong job, I feel suck and screwed 2010-12-13T20:35:27+00:00

The Forums Forums The Workplace Strategies for Work 45, ADD and totally in the wrong job, I feel suck and screwed

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  • #97784
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    Anonymous
    Post count: 14412

    Louie007

    I totally know your pain

    I sail in that boat too and I can tell you this. A fancy degree does not make any difference

    especially at our age

    I feel like I have wasted up to 18 years to complete a 4 year program, just to be on social services, unable to pay child support, or see my 12 year old son because his mother finally left the province.

    For myself I keep going because I have to believe the world has some purpose for me

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    #97785
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    Louie007
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    Post count: 12

    Hey Hypeman,

    I totally believe there is a purpose for you and all of us. The big problem for us is finding something that fits it would seem. That and it also seems that so many of us just dont know what it is we want to do. Maybe its because we have done so many things and feel like we are no good at them for one reason or another. ie we get fired or let go or board and quite. so for me it feels like i suck at so much.

    The ironic thing for me is it was my wife leaving that put me on the path of finding out I had ADD. Which feels like it may have made a difference if i would have known before she left. hind sight is 20/20. I was very fortunate to have friends around me that made me not let my ex have full custody of the boys. I am a really good father but at the time i felt so bad about myself I was willing to let her have whatever she wanted. Thank God my friends (and lawyer) didnt allow that to happen. So I am very blessed with a really strong relationship with my sons.

    So to be honest I dont know the pain of lossing your son. Boys need there dad so even if your ex doesnt appreicate that and moved him away from you try your best to be there for him on whatever level you can and I think he will seek to spend time with you. Hopefully you have made it clear to him that you want to be with him but it is out of your control.

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    #97786
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    ADHDMOOSIE
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    Post count: 5

    Louie – I feel your pain on this – I’m 43 and stuck in healthcare for the past 20 years – and although it’s an excellent living – I really hate it – however – this website, and all the other people I see struggling with the same things I am – really gives me hope. I refuse to be held prisoner by this ADHD stuff – (I’m also dealing with OCD too – yikes) I choose to focus on learning as much as possible, and putting to use information. I choose to define myself – and despite only now realizing why I have been different for years – I am going to forge ahead. I am a musician also- so I’m thinking about music therapy – kind of combining my years as an RN and music. Don’t give up Louie – refuse to allow others to define you. You are truly impressive that despite your issues you have held jobs and support a family – bravo. Best of luck.

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    #97787
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    Anonymous
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    What you said ADHDMoosie! A positive attitude is an exceptional tool. AND – being here on this forum with people like me (us) is a first step for me and really works. When I go about my day I find I am anticipating (not in anxiety – but a good way) when I can check for who has replied to some thread! Because of my ADD and bipolar tendancies, keeping the positive attitude going all day or for some longer length is a real challenge as I can be smacked down withing milli-seconds :-O Thanks Moosie for lifting me up with your post, maybe I’ll print it out in mirror image and pin it to my forehead (grin) so I can remember it longer… just kidding. Thanks everyone.

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    #97788
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    Bill
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    Post count: 227

    This thread has been very helpful for me. I hope this is a large boat, because it looks like there’s a lot of us in it.

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    #97789
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    Louie007
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    Post count: 12

    Thanks everyone for your replies. It is some consolation that i am not alone. First I have to say I feel like a totally loser that I said suck and screwed when I meant to say struck and screwed. Wow, its almost fun if it wasnt so sad! My wife always tells me to slow down. She means well but if i could do that i wouldnt be here in the first place!

    I am feeling very depressed today. We had our christmas party last night and we got our annual raises. I am kind of pissed cause I worked my ass off passing an upgrading course (which I failed twice before) and my co-works got better raises than me. One has been there less time than me. I am trying to be grateful that i have a job and can afford presents for the kids but I just cant let go of think I suck! I got a crappy raise last year because I didnt pass this course now i did so i thought hey this year s/b better. wasnt. It was so incredibly hard to study for this thing in the first place, my boss gave me such a hard time about it and i pass and get was less than everyone else. it was just a kick in the balls.

    I keep telling myself how bad it could be as i have lost jobs before because of my ADD but I just feel shit on. It is so hard having self confidence when you have sucked at soooooo many things over my working career. I am just not feeling very good about myself and i ask why me. why do i have to have this because i not seeing any upside here. oh how i wish i could find a job i was good at and fit my ADD.

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    #97790
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    Anonymous
    Post count: 14412

    @louie007 we all know how you feel. when people don’t understand just what it is you’re working against, they don’t understand how hard it is for you to do the same things that everyone else does easily. i admire you for being able to have gotten to where you are – i know i couldn’t do that kind of office work. i’ve tried :) i’ve found that education has been a good route or me, and you may or may not find a fit there.

    you should at least get tested for the adhd (can’t remember if you said you were under treatment or not) and get tested for learning disabilities too. a good doctor should also be able to do one of those aptitude batteries. you have to know where you’re starting from and what you have in order to start moving. who knows, maybe you have clinical depression! i did for a while, and i’m sure most of us have been depressed in some sort of way or another.

    i used to feel like a failure and like crap all the time too. one book that helped me, oddly enough, is “virus of the mind” which has nothing to do with ADD or ADHD. but it gives me a method of thinking about my thinking (if that makes sense) and when i start getting myself worked up thinking around in circles about something (like “i feel like a failure and a piece of crap”), i think about the concepts in that book, and try to change the programing. i think it’s available on audio book. has anyone else read it and used it like that?

    please don’t beat yourself up. at least you DID get a raise. my boss didn’t give me a raise at all one year and rated someone else as a better photographer than i was – and she didn’t even take pictures!! hug the kids and let it go long enough to enjoy the holidays – give yourself a vacation from bad thoughts if you can. you can always come tell the forum how you are and we’ll listen…

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    #97791
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    Anonymous
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    Hey, just a reminder not to let us blame or use ADD as a reason we’re not achieving or reaching the goals we want. I’m one of those dreaded teachers out there that refuses to accept the lists of excuses I sometimes hear students reeling off to me (I’m talking about the older students I deal with who are ADD).

    ADD doesn’t mean “I can’t” or you can’t do any job or reach even the loftiest goal. It just means we might have to put in a little bit more effort to get there but it’s not impossible. There are lots of people out there that I’ve read about with issues that I would consider to be more dibilitating than ADD and they’ve accomplished things that are astounding. My own doc hastold me of many of his other ADD patients that are lawyers, doctors or in other professions. Since I’ve got friends in those same professions, I know that to get there entails a whole lot of effort. To do it with ADD/ADHD shows that anything is possible.

    Don’t let a diagnosis of ADD/ADHD fool you into thinking that you can’t do ____ . You CAN do it. It just takes effort and planning to get there. A defeatist attitude will make anyone a ‘hard sell’ to any employer.

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    #97792
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    Louie007
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    Post count: 12

    Hey Rufina thanks for the suppose, I had a bad day yesterday and today is better. I am being treated with varying results.

    I would like to response to zsazsa. I dont know for sure that my ADD was want is holding me back. I do have other conditions that play into this. My original post was I feel stuck and screwed. I dont want to retype it but it is at the top if you want to read it.

    To a certain degree I agree with you but “put in a little more effort” might be belittling our condition a bit. For example someone who has ADHD is told to just sit still is like telling someone else if you try a little harder you might be able to get over this whole need to breathe thing. There is things we can not do. That holds truth for everyone, not just someone with ADD.

    I have friends that have done several different jobs it completely different fields and have done very well in all of them. I have friends that really dont give a shit what they are doing for a living just “show me the money”. they do whatever pays the best, period. Thats not me.

    For example the greatest basketball player ever was Michael Jordan. you dont even have to have ever watched a game and everyone know he is the best. He tried baseball for a season but he was no Michael Jordan. He tried it for his late father who always wanted him to be a baseball player. I feel like that, I could be a really good player, maybe the best, I’m just in the wrong game. Bo Jackson was a professional football and a professional baseball player at the same time. Thats rare. Even “Bo knows” he really couldnt do everything. I have basically stayed in the same kind of jobs because years ago I didnt know any better and my dad said get an office job with security. Which is iconic as he is probably ADHD and had jobs his whole life that played well into that.

    You are totally right about the defeatist attitude. I know that in my head but having failed at so many things it truly is hard to have the self confidence to just do it and tell myself that I really do have skills when i have struggled with so many jobs. What I need to do is find something that plays to my strengths and that has very little paperwork, which I really dislike and have somehow kept taking jobs that are 80% paperwork. This is one of the reasons I posted this in the first place. I dont know what that is. I dont know what I want to do for a living.

    So what am i saying, some days it sucks. thats it. I have been in the same job for 7 years so yeah i can work a little harder, I even just passed an upgrading course that 35% of the people failed but I just barely passed and it was incredibly painful studying, especially something I find really boring. The hard part is i feel trapped, it is hard to make a change at my age. Even people who say do what you love and the money will follow must have been 18. I have bills and a family and payments that reflect my current income. It would be to say the least a hardship to drop down income brackets.

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    #97793
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    Anonymous
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    You know guys. There is no such thing as a secure job. You may stick with a certain job because for the moment there is security in it but trust me in these uncertain times you may find yourself on the chopping block in no time so you might as well persue that dream. I myself know from experience that certain jobs that were secure were elimintaed and I had to start from square one. I deal with both ADHD and anxiety so I have two ball and chains to deal with. They have cost me jobs badly. I hate that we end up in a caste system that people with adhd can only do certain jobs and others can but trust me people without adhd don’t like the office either. I read a book entitled HACK. It’s about a woman that quit her office job in NYC to become a cab driver. She puts up with a lot of shit because you have no rights in that job but at the same time she feels freedom in being outside instead of in an office. I’ve had a whole bunch of jobs in my life. What I tell my interviewers is that life has forced me to start over and that I’ve been able to do so because I’ve always enjoyed learning something new. Don’t blame it all on adhd because the economy certainly doesn’t help. Lots of us have heard the black and feminist pundits on the news say that the bad economy is worse for blacks and women which is totally true. I just wish they had an advocate for the dsiabled both physically and learning disabled to tell our side of the story on how bad the economy is for us as well and how even in the supposed good times we suffer as well. People tell me to go after physical jobs but I have a hernaited disk so that leaves me out of a lot of things. Ever thought about joining advocacy groups for the disabled. We have experience with learning disorders so that would be an advantage because we know what it’s like. Just a thought. I myself am on disability but have tried to get back on the horse several times. I am currently working on my writing in the hope that I can publish something and make a living on that. Who knows? I’m 36 and feel that my life is passing me by. I haven’t done all the things I want to do and am living in Miami which you would think is a big city with lots of opportunites but really isn’t. It’s basically a tourist place and if you can’t make a living on that there’s no place for you. Also, nepotism is really big here. IT’s all about who you know rather than what you know. So you have to be able to network or rather name drop better than the guy or girl next to you. Anyway, trust me just try to go for that dream whatever it is because nothing is worse than regret. Watch Rocky Balboa. It covers all the things we talked about here and is very inspirational.

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    #97794
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    Anonymous
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    Miguel, I’m in KC. Been out of work since Feb., have applied for I bet hundreds of jobs by now via monster and careerbuilder. Unless you have somebody inside a company to speak up for you and give them a reason to pull your resume, it never gets looked at. Sad thing is I’ve been offered jobs, but they want me to come work for free and if I produce, they’ll pay. Others interviewed me even though they didn’t have an open position. If it doesn’t get better soon, I may be driving a truck in Iraq.

    Nepotism is everywhere and with the multitudes of people looking it is harder and harder to distiguish yourself.

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    #97795
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    Anonymous
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    In reading the posts after zsazsa’s — we seem to be going down a dark alley. I look at my ADD as being a huge reason that I’ve not done such and such. But mainly because I didn’t THINK I could do it, or simply it didn’t interest me. So zsa – a well intentioned and upbeat post, I loved it! However – in the past I believe that my ADD (even while undiagnosed) actually maybe could of enabled me to achieve some things. I’ve been unemployed – gone past the checks to the point where there was no more money to pay the bills. It was at that point I DID get a job and have had that job ever since 2004. But it was years digging out of extended unemployement. You can’t lose hope, and have faith. Working for free, not even an option deucedog! Hang in there.

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    #97796
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    Anonymous
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    YEs Deuce Dog I know what you mean about nepotism being everywhere but trust me I’ve lived in several places and its really worst in Miami. I’ve dealt with people who have absolutely no skills in their jobs but got it because they knew someone high up. I get scared of ending up in a hospital and being operated on by surgeon who got the job from favortism rather than skill. Yes its that bad trust me. You’re also right about the multitudes of people looking. For every job out there, there are somewhere between 5 and 10 people looking so it becomes tough to stand out. Some localities have more opportunnites than others so one will certainly have to move. I myself want to go to NYC but I want to have the job in hand first before going there because I don’t want to be paying NYC rent while I’m looking for who knows how long so I do my application through the internet and use the NYC address of a friend of mine up there. I’ve worked for free myself but that’s because I’m on disability and use it to build up my resume. I’ve also volunteered in places in the hopes of getting a job at that place eventually and it has worked out that way in some cases. So you may want to try volunteering in your spare time and make it known if it is a place you like that you want to work there and when something pops up you can make your transition.

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    #97797
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    Anonymous
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    Throughout my career I’ve also heard the slogan “It’s not what you know but who you know”. We ADD people have an inate ability to be social, conversational, bright, smart, and very hard on ourselves. Maybe you feel you lack the social part, or others. So I lvoed that volunteer suggestion! Good one. Another is hook up onto linkedin.com, and if there are other sites, use them too. Look for job fairs or other events to meet people in your field. Use the state of the job market in your favor. Oh — get an ADD life coach of some of the books on this site and try to read them over again. Tryin to stay positive, eh?

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    #97798
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    Anonymous
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    This forum has been extremely beneficial to me, convincing me to pursue a career in hotel and restaurant management. The only thing job I’ve ever really enjoyed and was any good at.

    I pray to never again become stuck behind a keyboard 10 hours a day.

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